Secrets & Revelations
by Brandywyne Walker
Summary: Emily knew it was never really over.  Now she finds herself alone and facing one of her greatest fears.  She doesn't have anyone she feels she can turn to, until help steps up from the most unlikely of sources. Prequel to "Secrets & Tragedies". Complete
1. Chapter 1

_**Secrets & Revelations**_

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss

Spoilers: A/U Season 6, Spoiler up to and including "The Thirteenth Step"

Rating: M / NC-17 for Nudity, sexual situations, mild profanity and discriptions of graphic violence.

Summary: Emily knew it was never really over. Now she finds herself alone and facing one of her greatest fears. She doesn't have anyone she feels she can turn to, until help steps up from the most unlikely of sources.

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_**Author's Note: **This is the first part of the "Secrets" series and sets up the events for the two-one shots "Secrets & Tragedies" and "Secrets, Changes & Reunions". It's given me ulcers. I have deleted and re-wrote large portions of this because of things that you see on the show in "Sense Memory". I didn't want this to have the feeling of knocking off the show; so much of her behaviour will be told from Hotch's point of view._

_I had actually written a scene where she barricades herself in her apartment. Then I watched "Sense Memory", thought 'well, shit' and deleted it._

_Emily is much softer around the edges and is likely to be less the hard ass agent you will ever get on the show but a significant amount of research went into this fiction before I decided to mess with her this much. It deals with acute hyper-vigilance and fear induced sleep deprivation both of which, to me seemed reasonable giving what is to come._

_Paget Brewster is such a wonderful actress and so able to convey emotions with a single look, a true "face actor," that I actually felt and understood her fear at the end of "The Thirteenth Step" and it spawned this whole thing._

_So again welcome to my insanity, pull up a chair and enjoy. As always your comments are welcome. Thank you to everyone who had reviewed previously, your comments warmed my heart. I hope you enjoy this one as much as the others. _

_Many Blessings, Brandywyne._

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_This story is a work of fiction by an amateur writer and is for entertainment purposes only. The writer is in no way associated with Criminal Minds or anyone connected to the program. No Copyright infringement is intended and no monetary compensation has been received by the creation of this story._

_All publicly recognized characters and storylines are owned by The Mark Gordon Company ,Paramount/Viacom, Touchstone Television, CBS Television Studios, ABC Studios, and their related entities._

_All original characters, settings and/or storylines are Copyright protected (__** Rev. Brandywyne L. Walker 2003 - 2011**__) Any duplication or distribution of this story, in whole or in part, expressly prohibited without written consent of the Author._

_**Gasping For Breath, Reaching For Balance**_

Emily Prentiss walked out of the pub where she had just met with Sean McAllister, a man that she hadn't seen or spoken to in several years and the news he had come with had been crushing. Her composure lasted until the soft cool breeze caressed her skin and then she stumbled sideways and gripped the stair rail to regain her balance.

Ian Doyle. It was a name that she hoped never to hear again and spent most of her time trying to forget. It was a name that, even ten years after the fact, still filled her with unparalleled terror.

For a moment she felt a strong sense of vertigo and the ground was threatening to rush up and meet her. She pressed her palm to the wall and stumbled to the side of the building, heading for the alley, away from the lights and prying eyes.

She was more than aware that she looked like drunk at the end of a bender and couldn't find it in herself to care. Not this time.

For long moments after Sean left the bar she sat and stared at the spot that he'd been. Willing herself to wake up and realize this wasn't real, that Sean hadn't been here, hadn't told her what he had, that it was all a dream. Eventually she shook herself out of her stupor and stood, picking up her jacket and purse.

Anger filled her at once. She was stronger than this. She was the daughter of Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss, a Federal Agent with one of the most prestigious units in the world, and a former member of Interpol's Special Investigations Unit.

She could do this; she could put on the face she had been taught to wear since birth. She could push this into the back of her mind; compartmentalize what she couldn't handle and deal with the practicalities, just as she had always done.

She let out a soft gasp and closed her eyes as her emotions welled up and threated to choke her again.

She opened her eyes, pulled back her shoulders and raised her chin. She could do this, she was stronger than this.

That lasted till she got outside and felt the cool air on her skin.

"_Sean… Is he coming here?" She knew she already asked the question but it seemed to like the most pressing thought in her mind, the only thought in her mind._

_Sean gave her a look of pity and concern, "I think we both know that you will be the one he wants the most. The one he will come for last."_

Finally finding a dark spot in the side alleyway, Emily pressed her palms flat to the wall in front of her and bent at the waist, trying to control her emotions, her breathing. She repeatedly gasped for breath, knowing she was about to hyperventilate, but seemingly unable to prevent it.

"_How long do I have?" She swallowed hard and pushed forward, just like she always had, "How long do you think it will take before he gets here?"_

"_It depends a lot on how much he wants you to suffer before he finally kills you." Sean never couched his thoughts, was always straight forward and honest, a reason they worked so well together in the past. For the first time she wished he would have lied to her._

Emily thought back over the years to the last time she had seen Ian Doyle, thought back over all of the things the man had done, what she knew he was capable of, and dropped to her knees.

"_You need to start thinking about contingency plans."_

_Emily's jaw dropped at what he was suggesting. "My life is here, __**my family**__ is here. I can't just up and leave Sean. What I do here is important."_

"_But not as important as your life, Lass." There was a softness in his eyes that was reserved solely for her. She could see it in his eyes. He was begging her to understand and to give in, to run._

She gasped again and felt the bile rising in the back of her throat. Unable to control it any longer she threw up the glass of wine she had while sitting inside with Sean. She pressed the back of her hand to her mouth and allowed the tears to come; finally giving up on control, knowing that it was useless.

In her mind she could see the body of Elsa, his housekeeper who had been an informant to Scotland Yard. She thought back to the things he had done to her body before finally killing her, the images burned into her brain. Scenes of carnage she had only seen rarely since. She knew what was in store for her and it caused her to gag again.

_Sean reached out and grasped her cold and clammy hand. "Let me take you home Emily. You shouldn't be alone right now."_

_She gave him a trembling smile, willing him to leave and give her space, give her time to regain what was left of her composure. "No. You have things to do. I'll be okay. I just need a minute."_

Pulling herself up to her feet she leaned back against the cool wall and tried to control her breathing. She couldn't seem to get a solid breath; the last time she felt like this was when she first returned to the States. A logical part of her mind questioned why after ten years and almost four with the BAU this would be affecting her like this. She had seen worse since then, not much worse, but still.

Sean. She shouldn't have told him to leave. She was all alone now; there was no one she could go to, no one she could tell. Everything was classified, seriously classified, and the only person who would understand what she was feeling, the only person she could talk to, she just pushed away.

Her balance, her fortitude, which she had always relied on, had abandoned her and for the first time since Ian Doyle was arrested she was truly afraid.

Sean stood off to the side, hidden partly behind a tree in the darkness and watched as Emily made her way out of the alley and to her car. She was shaky and pale. He would have given anything to prevent telling her this. She took so long to recover after Doyle was in jail. They had waited as long as they could before seeking her out, warning her of the threat that was coming.

He looked over at the smaller woman as she leant against her car. She meant the world to him. She had come to him as a young agent, he assigned as her handler.

He didn't think much of her at first, didn't understand why they would have used someone so young and unskilled. She was small, unassuming and shy. The only thing that she seemed to have going for her was that she fit the type that Ian Doyle was attracted to.

But over the year that they had worked together, he had grown to love her, admire her dedication and her desire to learn everything she could from the older man. And by the end, he loved her strength, her ability to overcome anything in her way, including her own fears and demons.

Demons that were now unleashed on her again.

You couldn't really know Emily Prentiss without loving her in one way or another and Sean vowed in that moment that he would do what he could to help her. He would protect her, and keep her safe; even if she would only allow it from a distance.

_**TBC in Chapter One - The View From Office Windows**_

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_**Prologue**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter One**_

_**The View From Office Windows**_

Emily sat down in her desk with a deep sigh and waited for the comments to come.

Earlier that morning she had rolled over for the hundredth time and looked out her hotel window. Just as the sun was coming up she finally drifted off to sleep and as a result, slept through her alarm.

She knew she was late and she was never late, _ever,_a learned behavior from when she first arrived at the BAU and had to be perfect, she knew she was there on sufferance at best, and couldn't make a mistake for fear of being replaced.

But as she looked from Morgan to Reid and back again she noticed that they were studiously looking away from her and she sighed again.

She was being a bitch lately. She knew she was but she just didn't know how to do this. How do you keep a secret from the people you loved most? How do you not tell them something like this, something that was causing her such distress? She was supposed to trust them, these men, above all others. It was simple when they didn't know there was a secret being kept from them but she had been so jumpy lately, that they had to know that something was wrong with her.

She clinched her hands in anger, trying to control the slight trembling in her limbs. She couldn't get a handle on this. It had been almost two weeks since Sean had told her about Ian Doyle and she was still struggling.

She fiddled with the papers on her desk and looked over at Morgan. She noticed the look he was giving her, the same one he was always giving her lately, almost begging her to tell him what was wrong, tell him how he could help. Her hero, her protector, the one that would always have her back and she couldn't tell him this time, he couldn't help.

Several times, she had been on the verge before remembering that she couldn't tell anyone. She was a good Agent and it was about the only thing she still had left.

Feeling totally hopeless and depressed she hung her head and started to dig the files from her briefcase.

* * *

Hotch stood with his arms crossed across his chest in the window of his office and looked out over the bullpen. It was an undertaking he did often and no one would think anything of it. But this time he only had eyes for one of his agents. Emily Prentiss. There was something going on with her. He could feel it in his bones and the feeling left him unsettled.

She was too skilled to let anything show outright, at least to a lay person. It was something he both admired and was sometimes appalled by in her. Her ability to compartmentalize surpassed even his own, and his own skills were formidable. There had been more than one occasion that he wished she would break down and show everyone that she was still human, still affected by the things that they saw. But she never did. Sometimes there were moments when she would relax and you could see a glimpse of it before she covered it back up.

But lately there had been dark circles under her eyes that even concealer couldn't cover up and she was snappish with the others, which for Emily, was rare. She had become closed off and distant in a way that she never was before. There was something churning just beneath the surface and it distressed him on an intrinsic level.

Hotch couldn't say for certain when his glances turned into looks and his admiration turned to attraction, but it was there none the less. She was beautiful and charismatic and to see her so out of sorts was tugging at emotions that he hadn't dealt with for years. Especially for her, the need to protect was there but never as strong as it was now. It felt almost like his emotions were feeding from hers. The more unsettled she became the more protective and possessive he felt. At times he didn't know how to deal with it.

Perhaps it was all nothing, they all got that way sometimes, it was the nature of the job and the things that they saw, and the first time it happened, each person had a hard time opening up and admitting they were struggling. He had done it the Elle, Derek, Reid, JJ and countless others, and Rossi had been through it with him.

But in the three plus years she had been with him; it never seemed to affect her like it did the others, she seemed to have a shell around her that the ugliness that they saw never penetrated. If she ever got emotional, it was always over the living victims, the ones left behind, the ones left to remember.

This behavior she was exhibiting now was an aberration and if there was one thing that Aaron Hotchner didn't like it was things he couldn't rationalize, define and explain.

Penelope Garcia came into the bullpen with her arms full of files and his lips quirked up into a small smile as she flirted with Derek and teased Reid on her way passed them, heading for the conference room. But the smile left him again as he watched Emily flinch away from the hand that Derek place in front of her, obviously startling her.

It was an instinctive reaction on her part, also an anomaly, and he saw the man frown before slowly pulling his hand away. There was no hurt in his eyes, evidence of how close they were, but there was a fair level of confusion. Hotch could empathize with the dark skinned man. He didn't get it either.

Prentiss, realizing what she had done shook herself before rising from the chair and pasting a smile on her face. She looped her arm through Morgan's and started to chatter to him on the way up to the conference room, giving him a bright smile. Derek seemed to take the change in stride but Hotch saw something else.

He had grown up in the same political world that Prentiss had and he knew that look on her face. It was a mask that she had deemed appropriate for the moment. He was equally skilled at hiding what he was feeling below the surface and had to wonder again what it was she was hiding from the team. What she was _hiding from him_, and he found that was what bothered him the most.

Practiced at the political game, she would never allow it to leak out into the job but if you spent as much time as Hotch did watching his team, as much time as he spent _watching her_, it was easy to see. The frown deepened on his already tired face as he tried to decide what to do with the situation. How to precede when he had no frame of reference to draw on and the only person he would normally ask was the only one he couldn't.

"You've seen it too." Dave didn't even bother to pose it as a question.

There was no one that spent as much time watching Emily Prentiss as Hotch did; he knew that the man had seen the changes in their female team mate. Aaron looked over at Rossi. He was casually posed, leaning against the door to his office, watching Hotch, watching Prentiss.

The first time his old friend has caught him 'Prentiss watching' he had found it disconcerting. Dave rarely let a moment pass where he didn't meddle but this time he seemed to know that he shouldn't, that what Aaron was feeling for Emily was something he shouldn't be poking at.

As a result, over time he got used to Rossi knowing that his feelings for the female profiler were less then strictly professional. Even though they often talked about Emily, what Hotch was feeling for her was never directly discussed and for some reason it was a topic that Dave never tried to get him to open up about. Damn near the only one.

"Yes." Aaron knew without a doubt that every member of the team had felt the tension in her, even if, like him, they didn't understand the significance of it.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Dave raised an eyebrow in challenge, hoping and praying the man had something up his sleeve.

"I don't think there is anything I can do. You know what she's like Dave. If she doesn't want us to know, there's nothing in this world that will get it out of her." Hotch let out a soft sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Emily was the emotional center, the core strength of the team and in a situation like this he would be looking for her council, but that option was closed to him. He didn't deal well with the emotional aspects of being Unit Chief and if he was honest, since she arrived, it was a role he had allowed her to assume without complaint, was in fact grateful for it. She seemed so skilled at helping the others in her subtle and unassuming way.

She could dig Dave out of the solitude of his office without even trying. She could get Morgan out of one of his depressed funks with just a few comments and a smile. She could get Reid to talk about his mother, which was something that _no one_ else was able to do, save perhaps Garcia who seemed to know more than she let on.

The young man often went to Prentiss to talk about things; no one really knew what though. You would find them in the conference room, thick as thieves, chattering along and when you walked in silence reigned. And JJ, on or off the team was still someone that Emily fussed and fretted over. She often came in with her phone loaded down with pictures of Henry and stories about visiting with the blond woman when they were home.

"I was considering calling JJ." Honestly, she was about the only one that could get Emily to open up when she was distressed, well her and Dave, but it was obvious from his presence in Hotch's office, Dave wasn't having any luck either.

"No go there, already tried, she's shutting JJ down too." Hotch let out a sigh and looked down at the floor.

Rossi moved over so that he was standing next to his Unit Chief. "So we do nothing?"

Hotch looked across the bullpen at the conference room and smiled softly when Emily reached an arm around behind Reid and covered his mouth, stopping whatever ramble he was in the middle of. "We'll keep an eye on her but until it starts to affect her job, there really isn't anything we can do, I have no leverage to get her to talk." Reid blushed and pushed Emily away but was still smiling at her as he did it.

Hotch turned to Rossi with a sad look on his face. "We'll just have to wait it out and hope that it either blows over or she tells one of us what's going on."

"Okay. I honestly had been hoping that she would open up to Derek but he said every time he tries to ask she shuts him down, same thing with me."

Together the two men left his office and headed across the walk. "We're going to Tulsa this afternoon and I'm going to pair you together. Will you keep an eye on her?"

Dave nodded his head, "I can do that."

Hotch touched Dave's arm to get him to stop moving for a moment, to impress upon him the importance in what he was about to say. "Just promise me you won't push, I honestly think it's making it worse."

"Yeah, okay." Rossi dropped his chin to his chest in defeat.

He didn't know how to handle this. Emily told him everything, things that the others on the team didn't know and she would never tell them. He hadn't expected it to hurt as much as it did when she stopped confiding in him.

By the time they arrived in the conference room Emily seemed to be back to her old self, focused and alert but there was a part of Aaron that was afraid it was just another mask and he felt the shell around his heart start to crack.

Hotch took his place next to Emily at the round table and listened with half and ear to what Garcia was saying. It was all information he knew, having reviewed the case previously, before deciding they would head to Tulsa. He couldn't get over the feeling that there was something he should be seeing that he was missing, a piece of the puzzle that would explain everything.

Emily breathed in a deep breath when Hotch sat down beside her and felt the tension start to ease from her shoulders. This room, with these people was where she felt safest. It had been that way almost from the start. It didn't take long before she fit herself into the family they had built and she knew, without a doubt that they would do anything to protect her, and she for them.

But Hotch was something else entirely. She didn't really know how to describe what it was she was feeling when he was close but all she would have to do is smell the lingering traces of his aftershave and she could feel the tension seep out of her. He trusted her to be strong, to do her job and to take care of herself, but she always knew that if she needed it, she could lean on him too.

The attraction to the man was obvious. She was a warm blooded female after all, but over the years she has also developed a deep affection and respect for him as well. It was a lethal combination.

* * *

As the meeting wrapped up, Hotch rose from his chair and rested a gentle hand on her arm, keeping her from getting up. She looked up at him with a question in her eyes. He shook his head slightly, indicating to wait till the others left.

Standing by the door, Aaron saw how tired she was, she was having a hard time focusing, even if she wouldn't admit it. After the others all left the room, he gave her an understanding look.

"Why don't you work in here till we have to leave?"

Emily looked adorably confused by the suggestion and was about to protest. Hotch walked over to the door, reaching over he tapped the light switch on the wall.

"There is nothing pressing that needs to be done and it's quite in here, you won't be disturbed. I'll come and get you when we are ready to head out."

Hotch turned and left the room, closing the door quietly behind him and Emily's eyes filled with tears; finally understanding what it was that he was trying to say to her.

She breathed a deep sigh of bone weary exhaustion and closed her burning eyes. The room was dim with the only light coming in from the slats in the closed blinds and she felt suddenly drowsy. She crossed her arms and laid her head on the table in front of her and before she even realized what was happening, she was sound asleep.

Hotch peaked in the window next to the door and observed Emily for a moment. He felt a soft smile cross his face before turning and walking away.

* * *

Several hours later they finally got to the air strip and were getting ready to board the plane for Tulsa, Oklahoma. Aaron stepped out of the SUV and looked over at Emily as she took in her surroundings. The short nap had done her some good but once again she was too tense, almost jittery.

Her eyes flitted from one thing to the next; seeming to take it everything and nothing all at once and suddenly he realized that she was cataloguing her surroundings. Hotch's brow furrowed with the realization as he added it in with the things he had already learned about her new behaviors so far.

He glanced down at her hands and they seemed relaxed enough, crossed in front of her, till you noticed the slight movement of her fingers. She was picking her fingernail, almost obsessively. It was something he had seen her do over the years and normally he wouldn't think anything of it, but it was usually how she reacted to stress.

"Prentiss?" Hotch's voice was soft but Emily's head still snapped around at the sound of his voice. She didn't seem to be focusing on him, her eyes wouldn't stop moving.

"Wheel's up." He lifted a hand to indicate the plane and the fact that no one else was around anymore.

"Right, sorry." Emily seemed to have realized how long she had been standing there and grabbed her bag from the back of the SUV and headed for the plane, slight color staining her cheeks.

While Hotch grabbed his own bag and headed for the plane his thoughts where going a hundred miles a minute.

She wasn't getting enough of sleep.

She seemed overly tense in open spaces.

She was exhibiting stress induced ticks.

She was hyper aware of her surroundings.

She was jumpy and startled easily.

She was moody and emotional.

These were things he knew, things he had felt once, and with the realization of what it was he was seeing in her a lead ball landed in his stomach that wouldn't be dislodged. The need to know what was wrong with her was growing because these things she was experiencing…

It was exactly how he was acting after he was attacked by Foyet.

_Author's Note: Thank you to all of the people who linked or reviewed the prologue. The next chapter should be up within the week depending on how much time work and home let me have. _

_I have spent so much time working on this that my house is looking a little worse for wear. The story, as it is, is actually complete and I'm working on revising right now, which I do about a dozen times before I'm happy enough with the final product. _

_Again your comments are welcome, and I'll do my best to answer any questions you might have. Blessings and Enjoy._

_**TBC: Chapter 2 - As The Days Go By**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter Two**_

_**And The Days Go By**_

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_Author's Note at the end of this chapter. Just reserve the right to pitch stuff at me till you've read it. This chapter is going to delve a little deeper into why it is that Hotch is seeing something other than job related trauma. _

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Tulsa, Oklahoma was going to be a long case and one of the ones that stuck with you, long after it was over. Child cases were always the hardest, not only because of the victims themselves, being so young and having their lives taken so early but it was the surviving victims that made it so much harder. The pain of a parent left behind was the rawest form of anguish and couldn't be touched by anything else.

On cases like these, Emily often was the one that worked with the parents, since JJ had left. She had an innate empathy to her that was soothing, but at the same time, she never tried to 'understand' or offer false sympathy. It never mattered to her if the parents were calm and stoic or raging and screaming. She took it all in and helped them to process. It was her niche in the team, that and the children. She could touch these people in a way that none of the others could.

And for the first time in her years with the BAU Aaron was questioning her ability to do something he had always trusted her to. It was a position he didn't enjoy and one he never thought to find himself in.

Rossi stepped into the break room and looked back out the door to check that they were alone before he finally spoke. "I'm at a loss, don't want to admit it, but I am."

Hotch turned to face Dave, setting down his cup on the counter, "How so?"

"She's almost perfectly fine." Aaron could clearly hear the confusion in his voice.

His brows furrowed as he put together this newest development with the other things he hand gleaned from her behavior of late. "Define, fine exactly."

Dave stepped into the room and leaned against the counter, dropping his voice a little for the conversation they were going to have. "A little more tense than normal, and more tired that she should be, but she's alert and focused. Clear headed and motivated. Everything we have come to expect from Agent Prentiss."

Rossi sighed, crossing his arms and shuffled his feet a bit, "If I hadn't been watching her for the last couple of weeks and someone had described what she's was like, even yesterday when we arrived, I would have said they were insane."

Hotch dropped his chin to his chest and closed his eyes. If what he suspected was true he didn't know what to do. How much could he tell the other man without feeling like he was betraying a confidence?

She didn't want them to know, that was more than apparent. Did he have the right to discuss this with someone else, when it wasn't reflecting in her work, since all he had was supposition and guesswork? Especially if it meant sharing with the team something he, himself, had worked very, very hard to keep from them?

Hotch walked over to the doorway and hesitated for a moment before closing the door. He stood there, in the uncharacteristic pose, with his hand shoved into his pants pockets and his shoulders hunched.

"There's something wrong with her."

Dave just gave him a look like he was completely stupid. "Yeah, we all get that."

"It's more than that. It's more than the moodiness and tension, more than how tired she is. She's…." Aaron hesitated, now that he had started this conversation he was sure it was one that he didn't want to have.

"Spit it out Aaron." Dave was getting impatient now. There was something wrong with Prentiss and the man standing across from him seemed to have an idea of what it was.

"She's exhibiting all of the psychological signs of someone who has experienced a recent, severe, emotional or physical trauma, perhaps both."

Dave catalogued her recent behavior and couldn't see what the younger man was talking about. "I don't understand what you're getting at."

Hotch sighed, tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, then changing his mind he closed his eyes. He didn't want to see the look on Dave's face. "Do you remember last year, just after Haley died, I went to New York for that couple of weeks with Jack before I came back to work?"

"Yeah…. You said you wanted to get Jack away from Washington, away from the memories." Dave was growing concerned. Hotch was looking more and more uncomfortable the more he spoke.

"I went to visit Marcus Micheau." Hotch said in a quiet voice.

Dave had the temptation to shake him; he said it like Dave should have understood immediately what he meant.

"You're hedging Aaron. Marcus is an old friend, and a member of the BAU. Why wouldn't you visit him if you were in New York?"

"I went to New York because of Marcus, because he was also a psychologist before joining the FBI."

"And…" Dave motioned with his hand for him to just spit it out.

"He was your partner for several years, how could you not…." Hotch let out a low growl, Dave normally wasn't this think. "Marcus was a trauma specialist, specifically sexual assault trauma."

Dave blinked at him and Aaron knew that he didn't get it, he could tell by the look on his face. He was going to have to spell it out for him, whether he wanted to or not. Now that he had started this conversation he knew there was no way that Dave was ever going to let this go. But all of this was something that only Marcus really knew about; he was the only person that Hotch had talked to.

Aaron dropped his head and his voice was whisper soft. "I saw him because of Foyet. Because of what Foyet did to me."

"But there was no evidence of…" Dave's voice held a panicked quality to it. Hotch cut him off before he could get any further.

"Dave, he didn't, not that." Aaron tried to make it easier on Dave because as a man he understood how much trouble this conversation was to have with anyone, let alone another man. "But what do we teach that piquerism is? And the bastard made sure that it was all I was thinking about the entire time he was stabbing me."

"I thought you passed out?" Hotch didn't even bother to comment, just shot him a look.

"Why didn't you tell any of us?" Dave's voice held a level of hurt that Hotch hadn't been expecting.

"At first it was too much, I didn't talk to anyone. Then as time passed… I don't know… How do you talk about something like that? I knew I had to at some point because the fear and desperation was just getting worse." He moved over to stand next to Dave and crossed his arms over his chest. "Emily is suffering from acute hyper-vigilance and if I had to guess, fear induced sleep deprivation. I can see it because I've been there."

Dave's voice was so soft that Hotch almost missed his words. "You could have come to us, any of us."

"I didn't think I could, not at the time. It took Marcus almost the whole two weeks I was there to get me to admit what had happened. He knew of course but I couldn't admit to it, not to what I was feeling at the time," Hotch turned and faced Dave again. "Marcus was removed from everything, had no vested interest in or any personal feelings about Foyet and I knew that he wouldn't talk about it with anyone else. That experience coupled with Haley dying and I needed someone to talk to. Marcus was a safe choice and after I came back I didn't ever have to see him again. Although, treatment was through the phone for months after, he wouldn't let me off that easily."

"And you think Emily…" The sadness in his voice was more than apparent to the younger man and now Hotch felt guilty for even starting this conversation.

"That's just it. I don't know. She's not uncomfortable with the team, a bunch of men, or with strangers, she hasn't shown any signs of physical injury, it's just that she's showing a lot of the psychological signs that I was, especially when I first got out of the hospital."

"Have you tried to talk to her?"

Hotch shook his head sadly. "No. Because in the end it's just a guess, and one of a hundred that have gone through my mind since I noticed the signs."

"So we do what? Go back to just watching her."

"I think that's all we can do. She knows that we know. She would have to, she too smart to think that we wouldn't have noticed that she's upset. We just have to wait till she comes to one of us."

Aaron leaned back against the counter and sighed. The whole discussion had solved nothing but he felt slightly better now that he had gotten it off his chest, because for the last 24 hours it was all he could think about. His mind had been picturing what could have happened. She was so strong and proud and to picture her as a rape victim had been tearing at his soul.

Now, after having talked about it with Dave, he was almost certain that she wasn't raped; she hadn't been beaten or damaged in any physical way, he had spent so much time watching her lately he would have seen any physical signs. There was no evidence of it. The problem was that he still didn't know what it was.

* * *

Three days later and Aaron was even more confused that he was before. He had paired with her to visit the home of the latest little girl that had gone missing. And Dave was right; you would never suspect that there was ever anything wrong with her, except looking more tired than she normally did, which in itself was saying something. He had seen days where she had little more than an hour cat nap in a 48 hour period and she always looked perfectly put together. She was a little rougher around the edges now.

Hotch sat down next to her at the small table in the restaurant that they were meeting the others at. Reid had already arrived and was chattering at her, trying to draw her attention. It was something else that had changed. It was the thing that he feared the most. She was slowly pulling away from all of them.

He was grateful when the rest of the team arrived and deflected Reid's attention. He was obviously confused; Emily never shut him out. She was a closet nerd and seemed to enjoy their conversations.

Hotch took control of the conversation after they ordered and turned it back to work, something that was safe for Prentiss. The whole team was watching Emily and it was making her obviously uncomfortable.

Turning to Morgan, Hotch started the conversation. "Did you talk to Garcia about the Patterson family?"

The dark skinned man frowned at the change in his thoughts but he was still on the clock and Hotch's questions would take priority over his thoughts on Emily. "She couldn't find any linkage between any of the children, their schedules and activities, so far but she did find out something interesting about the mother's jobs, past or present. They all dealt with, in one way or another, children in crisis."

Rossi's eyebrows shot up at that. "Why didn't we find this before?"

"Because Mrs. Stedman and Mrs. Shaw didn't appear to work, in any fashion, but when Garcia was digging about she found an old article that was written about work that Mrs. Stedman she did at an outreach shelter. She kept digging and found out that she still did volunteer but it's with a woman's abuse shelter, specifically as a children's advocate, and the information on them is much more protected."

Hotch leaned back and crossed his arms. "What about Shaw?" He didn't like either of them and had a bad feeling about this.

"She couldn't find anything but she said that you can't always about volunteer organizations. They don't always keep good records of the people that just help out."

Hotch turned to the youngest member of the team. "Reid, tomorrow I want you and Prentiss to head back over to the Shaw home and find out if the same holds true with her. Emily, see if you can get them apart, she might open up further without him hanging over her shoulder." Emily nodded her head, already planning the next visit.

"So what are we thinking?" Rossi's question was softly posed to the team in general.

Emily raised a brow at Hotch, willing him to tell the others what he had told her in the car. When he didn't start, she stepped up. "She's a little off and him more so."

Hotch realized that he couldn't get out of talking; he gave her a reproving glare, which she smirked at. He didn't like dealing with a gut instinct and that's all this was.

"I'm not sure but there was something in that home. They didn't open up when I was in the room but the minute I went outside to take a call, they opened right up to Prentiss. She's really timid too, especially when I tried talking to her."

Aaron thought about what he had seen, "there are no obvious signs of any abuse but he's definitely domineering. I think the two of you will have better chance of getting anything of value out of them."

After that they turned the conversation away from work and enjoyed what was left of their dinners. Hotch tried to watch Emily and the way that she interacted with everyone else. She was open and laughed, telling jokes and seemed perfectly normal.

But there was something there that also made it feel like she was acting in a way that was acceptable, what was expected of her. It reminded him of the other day and the way she was with Derek. But whatever it was that was bothering her, she seemed to have pushed aside for now. Aaron just didn't know if he was grateful for that or not because he knew it wouldn't last.

She was the same way in Denver the week before and in Phoenix five days before that. Between that and the behavior he noticed before they boarded the plane, the only conclusion that he could reach was that it's wasn't the job that was getting to her and whatever it was, it was back in Washington.

Getting up from the table, Hotch held Emily's chair for her and her demeanor shifted again. She seemed to be stalling, fiddling with the handle of her bag and her briefcase, reluctant to leave the table, the team.

"Emily? Ready to head up?" Aaron reached out and touched her elbow and was startled at the flash of anger in her eyes before the calm mask dropped back into place.

Emily's voice was crisp when she finally spoke, "Of course, I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Hotch continued to watch her over the next several days and for the most part she seemed to be fine. Her emotions were a little closer to the surface than he was used to seeing in her but other than that, she just seemed tired.

They finally caught Shaw almost a week later. Emily and Reid were the ones to put it together and as they conducted the interview at the station, he started to scream at Emily, pouring out every disturbed and hate filled thought.

How it was women like Emily and his stupid wife that were destroying families. He was trying to teach his wife that she needed to take care of her own first, not other people's children. They were the responsibility of their parents and not hers.

But it became more than obvious to him that she didn't care about her own daughter, as with each passing death, nothing changed. When it became apparent that she wasn't getting it he snapped and killed his own daughter, to punish her.

Emily came out of the room and it was like old times. She b-lined for Hotch, doing her best to offer comfort to the man that was hurt by child cases more than the rest of them put together. Emily waited till the others had left the viewing room before she approached the quiet man who was still watching the glass as Shaw was finally led away.

She stood in front of him, blocking his view, and rested a hand on top of his crossed arms. She looked at this face and waited till he was looking back at her. "Hotch, you doing okay?"

He nodded his head slowly and when she started to walk away, he moved one hand to cover her own, keeping her in place with his soft touch. He thought that perhaps if he opened up to her, just a little, she might as well.

"These are the cases that I won't ever understand. I know what all of the books tell me the reasons are… but as a parent, I can't wrap my brain around it. I love Jack. He's my son and at times I find him annoying and frustrating. I have had moments where I have been so angry I have wanted to scream, but nothing, _nothing_, would make me hurt him."

Emily said nothing to him, just looked at him with those caring eyes and gave his forearm a soft squeeze before pulling back. She wanted to comfort him but didn't really know how to go about it.

Hotch was always so reserved, it was hard to breach the shell around him. And as she looked up into his eyes she acknowledged that perhaps now was not the best time to try.

She wasn't exactly on emotionally sure footing at the moment herself and getting involved with a man that was so emotionally repressed at times, couldn't be good. But if she didn't try, wouldn't she always be left wondering?

Aaron saw the moment she seemed to come to some sort of a decision because there was a certainty in her eyes and she opened her lips to speak. The moment was lost when one of the LEO's came into the room looking for her.

Hotch watched as she left the room before cursing slightly under his breath and moving to follow her.

* * *

The next night found the team at the station, packing up all of their materials for the trip back to Quantico. Boxes filled with files for the trip and other boxes filled with the material that would stay at the station. In cases like this the amount of paper they generated could be staggering and they had been at the process of packing up for a couple of hours before they were anywhere near close to being done.

They would be heading out in the morning and throughout the day they had all watched as the calm and relaxed Emily she had been seemed to melt away, leaving in her place someone who was pensive and quiet.

As they finished each of the team took a box out to the SUV, to the local who had offered to taken the files to the jet, saving them some time in the morning. Hotch watched from the door of the conference room as Emily talked to the officer in charge. He shook her hand and she tensed immediately. It wasn't something you would notice unless you have spent as many hours as Hotch had mentally cataloging every inch of her body. The smile stayed in place, but her body language practically screamed the need for fight or flight.

Hotch closed his eyes and sighed, realizing it was the flight back that was causing the renewed tension in her and decided then and there that he would try to get her to talk. She couldn't keep going on like this.

Aaron Hotchner picked up the last two boxes and walked over to his subordinate. She relaxed moderately in his presence and he took that as a positive sign. He accepted his own thanks before the two of them headed out into the cool night air.

Emily held the door as Hotch balanced the boxes in his arms. She looked up into his dark eyes, by accident more than anything, and her eyes widened at what she saw there. Letting go of the door she beat a hasty retreat to the SUV that they were taking back to the hotel.

Hotch rushed over and gave the remaining two boxes to the officer, loading them into the back, he closed the hatch. He wanted so badly to just go to Emily now but he knew that he needed to pay respect to the officer taking the boxes to the plane.

He shook hands with the young man as he thanked him again for his teams help and each moment felt like an hour now that the decision to confront her had been made. As he watched the truck leave the parking lot, he turned and hurried over to where Emily was standing beside the SUV.

Emily looked up at Aaron and noticed the same look of determination in his eyes she had seen before, but there was something more in their depths. There, in his eyes, was a warmth and affection that seemed almost foreign, at least directed at her. She felt a small tremor wrack her body and tried to contain her emotions for what was to come.

She turned to face him fully and did her best to focus on looking as bland as possible. She knew this was coming; that there was no way he hadn't seen how stressed she was, regardless of how she tried to hide it.

So far, Hotch was the only one that didn't ask, hadn't pried and realistically she hadn't expected that to hold out forever but she just wasn't ready for it to happen yet, hadn't prepared herself for this confrontation. Without a doubt she knew that she was going to come away from this having hurt them both in the process.

"We need to talk." His comment was straight forward and simple but in far more an intimate a tone than he ever used with her.

"I'm actually really tired." Emily shifted on her feet, speaking to how much she wanted to run at the moment. "Can't this wait till tomorrow?" Feeling a headache coming on she rubbed her forehead.

"I don't think it can." They were heading back to Quantico tomorrow and her newfound relaxed behavior had already started to deteriorate and with it any hope he had of getting it anything probative out of her.

Aaron reached out and gently clasped her hand in his, trying to convey that it was her friend asking and not her unit chief. He figured that if the others couldn't get anything from her with their subtle questioning, perhaps the direct approach would work. "I know something is wrong and I want you to tell me what it is."

Her eyes widened slightly. He didn't even attempted to question her like the others, just stated the facts as he knew them. That was bold, even for him.

Emily blinked at him several times before responding in the same flat monotone she had been using for weeks whenever anyone had asked her. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine. Please… maybe we can help; we all know you're struggling. Let us in." Hotch reached out and caught her other shaking hand, pulling her closer to him, unable and unwilling to keep distance between them. "Let me in."

"There's nothing you can help me with because I'm fine." She turned her head away, but at the same time her body leaned closer to him, speaking without words that she did want his help, but couldn't ask for it.

Hotch stepped closer to her, invading her space and forcing her to tip her head back to look into his eyes. "Emily, you have never lied to me, please don't start now."

Emily closed her eyes on the compassion she could see in his, the caring. She wanted so badly to collapse into his arms and spill every single last one of her secrets to him but she knew she couldn't. And even knowing that, she knew her next words would hurt him.

"I can't tell you. I can't. Please don't ask me to." Her voice was soft and tentative, a slightly lost note to it. Emily took a deep breath, fortifying her will, and opened her eyes allowing him to see the resolve in them.

Taking her words and the look in her eyes to mean that it was him she couldn't trust and not the conversation that she couldn't have, he pulled back from her as if he had been slapped and all of the affection that had been in his eyes disappeared in a flash. Where a caring man once stood, now was the body of her unit chief, hard and closed off.

Emily turned away from him, facing the SUV again, hoping to shield him from seeing the desperation in her eyes, the desire to just lay it all out. She needed him to let go of this, because while the others would never confront her about her issues, Aaron Hotchner would, and he would be relentless.

"We're wheels up at 9:00 in the morning." He barked out at her. "Make sure you are on the jet." With that he turned and strode back into the station.

Emily moved around to the other side of the SUV and got into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind her, she gripped the steering wheel in her hands until her knuckles turned white. She twisted her hands back and forth on the cool leather and tried to get control of herself.

For once in the last couple of weeks, it wasn't her fears that were chasing her, but despair. Despair because Emily knew without a doubt that she had just killed the start of something, something that could have been wonderful. Something that, if she was honest with herself, she had wanted for a very long time.

Turning the key in the ignition Emily left the parking lot and thought, not for the first time, how unfair this all was to be happening now.

Hotch stood in the door of the station and watched Emily leave. He'd take a cab back to the hotel later, after he locked this conversation away.

Hotch pursed his lips, realizing how cold he sounded but unable to control it over the hurt he was feeling. He hadn't expected it to hurt quite so much when she wouldn't open up to him. He hadn't really expected her to, she hadn't with any of the others either. But he was shocked at the moment of pain that flashed through his chest when she turned away from him, from the comfort he was offering.

He sighed and dropped his head against the wall, having no idea how to help someone who meant so much to him. And at the same time knowing he was going to spend the next few weeks watching her deteriorate.

* * *

_Another Long Author's Note: Okay. I'm wearing my helmet now, you can throw stuff. I had a really hard time deciding to incorporate Hotch's experience with Foyet in this. I added it, removed it, added it again, and then took it back out. I left it out for about a week end then put it back in._

_It always bothered me on the show that they never addressed the issue because they always stress that piquerism is a substitute for the sex act and Foyet made sure that Hotch was thinking about it in "Nameless, Faceless". The whole scene screams of a power rape scene and I actually can't watch it. Bleah, gotta love fast forward. I get that they only have 42 minutes and that would have taken way too much time to deal with such a complex issue in any form._

_I had the idea of doing a story dealing with Hotch's trauma after Foyet but I never could get it right, it always felt a little off and after two chapters of fighting with it I finally scrapped it. Hotch's reactions always felt off, mostly because I can't write it from a man's point of view even though the emotional issues and reactions are almost the exact same as those that a woman faces. _

_But the impressive level of research I did for it was there. You would be amazed at how similar the emotional reactions/psychological issues between rape and stabbing victims are. And Emily is suffering from both of the disorders that I had chosen for my piece with Hotch so it gave me a chance to incorporate the idea. _

_There's another section where he talks to Emily which was even harder to write and will likely go through the same cut/paste, cut/paste process before it makes it but I find it so emotionally touching that I'm not sure I could take it out and not hate the rest of the chapter, it's also a stepping stone in the evolution of their relationship._

_This one was really hard to write and even harder to post, so poke the button and tell me what you think. Just make sure any objects you throw aren't pointy because I love Hotch too and having him as a "rape victim" in this, even psychologically, and from past remembrance was really tough to do. _

_Blessings, Brandywyne_

**TBC in Chapter 3 - From The Outside Looking In**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter Three**_

_**From The Outside Looking In**_

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* * *

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_Tiny Author's Note: So, I'm actually posting a day early. I'm almost completely through my revisions, so updates will be picking up pace. This chapter is for Yana, who has reviewed every chapter and both of the sequels, my thanks and appreciation to you for your kind words; enthusiasm and making me smile by trying to guess three chapters ahead. Your guess was both right and wrong but I don't think you'll be disappointed._

Emily rushed into the parking garage and ran all the way to her car; she threw herself into the front seat, slamming the lock closed. She pulled her gun off and rather than stowing it in the glove box, as was her usual habit, she took the safety off and laid it in the seat next to her. It was the same thing that she did every time she left the building now; she couldn't seem to help it.

She pressed her hands hard into her forehead, trying to stave off the blinding headache that wouldn't seem to leave her. With bleary eyes, she carefully took in the vehicles around her, counting the cars and noting their places before allowing herself to relax a little, although the tension in her shoulders never abated now.

What the hell was the matter with her? It was a simple question, shouldn't have engendered that kind of response. But without thought, care, or consequence she had landed on Dave's head, telling him to back off and butt out of her personal life.

She was going to owe him one hell of an apology tomorrow but right now she couldn't face it. She was too tense and too afraid that she would say something else that she would regret. Every time she opened her mouth lately it was only to stick her foot in it, over and over again. She was always prone to speaking without thinking but now she couldn't even seem to censor her harsher thoughts, and that she had been taught to do in infancy. Poor Dave, she hurt him. She kept hurting all of them being so closed off.

She had been standing in the conference room with the others and gasped loudly when she realized what she had done, how far she was slipping. She had seen the look that passed through his eyes, the sadness, and couldn't stay there anymore, had to run, get away. Without hearing her name being called by the team, she grabbed her stuff and ran from the office as if the hounds of hell were on her tail.

Emily's head fell forward and she rested it on the cool leather of the steering wheel, she thumped her head against it, unsure if she was trying to kill the pain or not, before giving up and starting the car. It was highly unlikely at this stage in the game she was going to bang in some common sense. She looked out the windows again, counting the cars and noting their places again, before she put her own in gear and pulled out of the garage, watching her rear view mirror the entire time.

Sean McAllister watched from his position in the parking garage as Emily jumped in her car and sped away. The tears in her eyes explaining better than anything else ever could what was driving her. The sight of her pain tore at him and he wished she would just ask for help, from someone. It was killing him, having to stay back and not do anything.

She was losing it and there was nothing that he could do to help. He was forced to remain on the outside, keeping her safe from a distance and always looking in at her downhill spiral. As it was, he should have left after telling her, he certainly couldn't tell anyone he was still in Washington and still watching her. He didn't have a reason to be here and just simple worry for a former agent wasn't going to be enough to cut it.

He was preparing to follow her, figuring that she was heading back to the hotel she had been staying at when he noticed her Unit Chief coming out of the stairwell, having bypassed the elevator, determined to catch her before she got away.

At first, Sean was concerned by the dark, intense look on his face, but when he noticed her car already gone, that look turned to sadness. Aaron Hotchner stood and dithered on the spot for a moment before seeming to come to a decision. He turned to his own car and got in. For a moment he sat there before pulling away. Sean decided to follow him, just for curiosity sake; to see if his assumptions about the man were correct.

* * *

Aaron thumped on the door to her apartment for the third time in the last two minutes and it became more than apparent to him that she wasn't going to let him in. He huffed out an irritated breath and dug his keys out of his pocket. He was going to find out what was going on with her if it was the last thing he did.

"Prentiss, I'm going to use my key." Still no response and his look darkened farther.

First she pulled away from the team, and then she grew so jumpy and touchy that everyone was afraid to approach her. He could see her obvious pain, the headache that made her squint and shy away from the light, which seemed to be her constant companion lately. She had become sullen and quiet, unresponsive to conversation, now her blow up at Dave, not that he didn't deserve it, he was bordering on nagging at her, but that was hardly the point, something had to give.

"She's not there." Hotch spun around at the sound of the soft Scottish accent that came from behind him.

His eyes darkened when he took in the appearance of the man before him. He was dressed in such a way to leave the least impression possible, his clothes non descript and dark, but not too dark. His movements while quiet were measured and self-assured. There was something there, a studied casualness in his movement, there that reminded him of Prentiss, the woman he had come to find.

"Who are you?" Aaron's voice was overly harsh, sensing a threat from the man in front of him. What type of threat he couldn't be sure but the feeling was still there.

Sean lifted a negligent shoulder, "Just a friend of our girl." The comment raised Hotch's hackles. The longer this continued on the more possessive and protective he felt of Emily. He didn't like _anyone_ call her 'our girl'.

"And you _just know_ that she's not here?" Posed as a question it was more of a statement and fundamentally it bothered Hotch that this man knew something about Emily that he did not.

Although, to be honest there was much about his agent, his friend, he didn't know.

"For certain; she hasn't stayed here in almost a month." The man across from him looked sadly at the door as if trying to will her back into her home.

Hotch tipped his head in thought as he studied the man standing across from him. "You know what's wrong with her, don't you?"

"Aye, I do."

Hotch took several steps forward, trying to corral the man into a position that would be least favorable for his escape. "You need to tell me because she can't keep going on like this and I can't help her until someone does."

There was sympathy in the other man's eyes that he couldn't repress. "I can't do that and she's not trying to hurt you when she won't either, she can't."

Hotch placed his hands on his hips and looked down at the floor. He really was getting tired of this. Every time he turned he was blocked by something, mainly Emily's own unwillingness to let him in, any of them in.

There was some relief in knowing that she wasn't trying to be evasive with _him alone_, in having it confirmed by someone outside of the team, that it wasn't just him that she _couldn't _talk to. She had been so distant since coming back from Oklahoma he had truly wondered if he had stepped out of line with the woman.

Aaron kept his head tipped down and raised his eyes alone, doing his level best to instill fear in the man across from him. But at the same time knowing it was never going to work. He opened his mouth to speak and the other man raised his hands in surrender. "I can't either, not yet, but, if you care I can give you a place to start."

Hotch's head snapped up and Sean couldn't miss the flare of hope that was in his eyes.

"Look into her personnel file. If you look hard enough you'll see something that doesn't make any sense. It's all I can give you but it's a start."

Hotch never responded, just rushed passed the man and ran out of the building. He never even thought to question how this strange man would have any idea of what was in Prentiss' FBI personnel file.

Sean was glad to see that he was right. It was more than just the interest of her supervisor that drove this man; his worry was far too personal, far too close to the surface. Sean had been watching the Unit Chief, almost as much as he had been watching Emily and couldn't remember meeting someone who was as calculating and controlled. But he had seen the way that the other man watched her, and there was nothing controlled in his look at those times.

Aaron Hotchner would take care of his girl, likely wouldn't give her a choice in the matter, especially since she wouldn't allow anyone else to do it. He just hoped that the man could connect the dots, or enough of them to get her to ask Sean for help. Because in the end, she had so little control of things right now, that he wouldn't take that from her too. If she was going to let anyone in, it had to be her choice and hers alone.

* * *

Several hours later Hotch sat staring at her file, perplexed. The man was right, it didn't make any sense. It followed her chronology closely enough, things he knew from before her time with the FBI, from when he worked for her mother.

It had her going to Yale, graduating with a degree in linguistics/social psychology and a minor in abnormal psychology, strange pairing that. She moved on to the academy and did her first turn in St. Louis for training. He whistled softly, he always knew she was smart but for her to have done this much before she was 25 was impressive.

He looked back down at the file with a furrowed brow; this was the point where it stopped making any kind of sense.

She was assigned to a new unit in New York, BAU Counter-terrorism as a staff linguist. In itself, it made perfect sense with her background and education in linguistics not to mention the time that she spent in the Middle East, Europe and Russia, but it was the timing that was completely off.

According to the file, she was assigned six months before the unit was even formed. He remembered the time clearly, there was such upheaval in the BAU. It was when they finally splintered the BAU into the three groups that it had now, Counter-Terrorism, Child Cases and Adult Analysis. Two of the existing BAU agents were sent down as a permanent part of the unit, Marcus Micheau as Unit Chief and Aaron was offered the subordinate position, but adult behavioral analysis was his passion and he passed. Two of his team members were transferred less than a week later.

For a year Emily was assigned there, but there were no notes in her file, either good or bad, not from her supervisor or the Unit Chief. She was then off to desk duty in Chicago. It was a sever downgrade, both in position and pay.

It also didn't make sense that he was never told of this, since it would have given her a shoe into the unit when she first arrived. All of the drama of her first few weeks would have been completely avoided, but he was never told and to be honest he never really looked at her personnel file. At first he had been determined that she wouldn't stay and then she was family and he wouldn't have allowed her to leave, in fact when she tried he chased after her and brought her back.

Hotch sat back and turned it over in his mind trying to figure out what was missing and the only thing he could think of was that it was all a lie.

Aaron reached over and picked up his phone, debating for a moment before finally dialing. This could get him in a world of trouble if he was right, and someone was keeping tabs on her history. There wouldn't been any suspicion in him pulling her file, he was her Unit Chief, after all. But this phone call was something else.

He was just about to hang up when a slightly breathless voice came over the other end. "SSA Micheau."

"Marcus? It's Aaron."

A slight laugh came from the other end. "Well, as I live and breathe. How have you been? It's been a while. How's the ear been? Is it still giving you trouble?"

Aaron smiled at the sound of his old friend's voice; it had been so long since the last time he had talked to the unit chief for Counter-terrorism. At least six months, just after JJ left and things got so busy with the team trying to cover up the holes that she left.

Hotch smiled softly at the thought of his friend. It was just like him, not to bring up his last visit or their subsequent phone conversations, without Aaron mentioning it first. "It's good, my hearing has almost completely returned. How're your wife and kids doing?"

"Sadly the wife found greener pastures. The kids are still good though." He may have said sadly but if Aaron remembered correctly he was not happy when they saw each other last. "Now, I know you. You never call to just chat. What can I do for you Aaron?"

"I'm sorry that I can't talk longer but I had a question for you. When you first got down there, when they opened CT in New York, do you remember a linguist on the staff? She would have been young, pretty and incredibly smart. Name was Emily Prentiss."

Hotch bit his tongue at how much he had just revealed to the older man. And he just knew that Marcus wouldn't miss the affection or pride in his voice.

There was silence on the other end while Marcus thought about it. "No… and you know me. A pretty skirt, I always remember."

"You and Dave both." Marcus laughed outright at that, remembering his old friend and partner before he moved to CT.

"I didn't get to see him when you all were here back in 2007. How is he? Is he still with wife number three? We didn't really talk about him when you were here last." There was a fondness in his voice that you didn't get to hear often.

"No, divorced again and currently looking for ex-Mrs. Rossi number four." Aaron chuckled along with his friend, wishing that he had more moments like these in his life, but knowing he wouldn't give up the life he had now.

There was silence on the other end and Hotch's brows shot up at how tentative the question was when it came. "Do you mind my asking, why you are calling me about one of your own agents?" Hotch cringed, he had been hoping that it would have slipped passed Marcus, but besides being a profiler, he was suspicious and paranoid, it was what kept him at CT in New York for almost ten years.

"It was just something that someone said to me in passing and it's been niggling at the back of my brain." Hotch closed his eyes and prayed that Marcus bought the line.

"Well, trust me Hotch; if she was here I would have remembered her. If I remember from when you were here after the bombing, she is quiet beautiful."

"She is. Thanks again Marcus."

"No problem Aaron, come see me the next time you're here and we'll grab a drink."

"That we'll do, thanks again."

Marcus' voice dropped to a quieter note, "And Aaron… this conversation will go no further." There was understanding and determination in his voice that relieved Aaron in ways that he couldn't express.

He should have known that SSA Marcus Micheau would know without being told, what was going on, and in that moment Aaron was never more grateful that his friend was not only suspicious and calculating but also an incredibly loyal SOB.

"Thank you Marcus." With that Aaron hung up the phone.

That phone call was confirmation of what he had already suspected. Whatever she was doing at the time was classified and it was deep enough that someone felt it necessary to fake her history and keep it that way. There were very few instances where a personnel history would be changed for undercover work and they were power and money. Neither option boded well for Emily Prentiss or what she had been doing.

And if the man in the hall of her apartment building was to be believed it was what had come back to haunt her now. Aaron leaned forward and rested his head in his hands and just knew that this wasn't going to end well.

* * *

Emily turned on her side as her eyes blinked open. She lifted her head a little and blearily looked over at the digital clock on the nightstand and let out a frustrated groan. Flopping onto her back she slammed her head into the pillow repeatedly. One hour and forty-five minutes. A new personal record for the least sleep gleaned at any one time.

Her heart was still pounding in her chest from the remnants of a dream that was already slipping away. Must have just been a normal run of the mill nightmare this time. Not one of her techno-colored surround sound nightmares she had been having since Doyle had escaped and went off the grid.

Emily rolled to her other side and squeezed her eyes shut; trying her best to fall back to sleep but at the same time knowing it was useless. Finally giving up on the pretense of rest she rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed. She reached for her Glock, checked the safety, pulled the clip to makes sure it was loaded; sliding the clip back in she all but threw her gun back on the nightstand, feeling like an idiot.

She dropped her head into her palms and let out a frustrated breath. Same pattern every time she woke up, it didn't make her feel better, and it didn't calm her nerves or make her feel safer but she couldn't seem to help it and couldn't seem to stop. Like so many things she was doing lately.

Just like losing her tempter at the most unexpected times.

Poor Dave, she knew he was concerned for her, they all were. She knew it was the only reason he kept checking on her, asking her how she was. She really shouldn't have landed on him the way that she did. She missed them, all of them, and allowed herself a moment of self-pity.

She was hurting them with her evasions and her distance. She had always been alone in her life and she never expected to be in the position that she was now. For years it had just been her and her Mother. Elizabeth Prentiss was a foreign diplomat and as such she didn't worry about secrets, they were a part of her day to day life. It didn't matter that Emily had to keep this secret; there was no one she wanted to tell, till now.

She missed her family.

Regardless of their fussing she felt removed from them in a way that she hadn't since she first arrived. Like they were still a family and she was on the outside, looking in, wishing for a place, like she used to have. But she didn't anymore.

Emily stood up, pulling the blanket with her and wrapping it around her small frame. She couldn't stop shivering. She knew it was because she wasn't sleeping right, same as the headaches, but she would give anything to be warm. She pulled the blanket tighter and crossed her arms over her chest. She made her way over to the small window that over looked a non-descript street and felt an irrepressible longing for her apartment, for the big picture window and its view of the capital. But he would find her there, in her home.

Here, she was unknown. She paid for the room weekly with cash. She traded off cars at the mall about a mile away, parking on one end and walking the length of the mall to the car at the other. She always made sure that she hit all three floors as she travelled the distance between the two and doubling back at least once.

Logically she knew he wasn't even in the states yet, but with his money she also knew that it was more than likely he was having her watched, having someone keep tabs on her. But he wouldn't find her here. She was being careful and it brought her some peace, but not enough to sleep.

She glanced over at the phone on the nightstand and felt the guilt well up in her again…

_Emily looked down at the digital display before letting out a curse, she had to answer it whether she wanted to or not. "Prentiss."_

"_Hey, it's Derek." Emily's eyebrows shot up at that. He had the same problem that they all did with identifying themselves by last names alone. He never started a call like this and for Morgan to start of a conversation with his first name meant that this was personal, messy, and likely going to be about her behavior at work._

_Emily decided to forestall the buildup and just get it over with. "I'm sorry."_

"_We know you are princess." He let the comment hang so that she would understand that they all knew and that in the end, regardless of what she did or said, she would always be forgiven. "But you need help; you can't keep going on like this."_

"_Derek, please I can't talk about this right now." She squeezed her eyes shut and willed him to leave her alone, feeling the tension in her frame that had dissipated slightly, return with a vengeance._

_His voice was soft when he spoke again. "We've all been there." _

_She was grateful that they all seemed to think it was burnout and not some other nefarious reason she was being so evasive and decided to use it to her advantage, even if it made her feel slightly underhanded._

"_I'm just not ready to have this conversation yet." She allowed him to hear how tired she was, hoping that he would get it and leave it be for now._

_She heard Morgan sigh softly. "Em, I'm your partner, besides that I'm also your friend. I'll do whatever I can to help you. We all would. You know that."_

_Emily felt the tears drip down her cheeks and bit her lip against a sob. These men, they would, she knew they would, but she couldn't tell them and the hopelessness of the situation sunk in a little further._

"_I know Derek, but please… I just can't. Not yet."_

_He let out another sigh, "Okay, okay. I'll leave it be for now, but just know we're here when you are ready."_

_She heard the soft click on the other end of the line and closed her phone, dropping it on the bed. Emily buried her face in her hands and finally let the sobs she had been repressing come. She hoped, and not for the first time, that she would cry herself into exhaustion and sleep._

It didn't work.

It never did.

She looked back out the window and tried not to think about Derek Morgan, her friend and partner. He sounded so lost, unable to help and she knew how hard that was for him. He was the one that faced everything head on and did his damnedest to knock it to the ground and he couldn't in this case.

Without conscious thought Hotch entered her mind, another type-A alpha male personality, and she wondered what he was doing right at that moment. Likely he would be home with Jack, the young boy sleeping and Hotch going over files, like they had all caught him doing, more than once, after the young boy was in bed.

She missed him. If she was honest she missed the possibility she had killed in the parking lot in Oklahoma.

The team had made it their mission to make sure that Aaron Hotchner was never alone and that Jack had a feeling of family. At first they had made up some pretense for arriving at his home unannounced. Some bit of information for a file that couldn't wait till the next day, or some such thing.

After a while, they figured out that Hotch didn't seem to mind and gave up all pretenses. They would head over, sometimes alone, or in pairs, to have dinner with the two of them, drag them out for a movie, to the park, anything.

She and Pen were the ones that Jack seemed the most drawn to and as such went out of their way to spend as much time with him as they could. But she hadn't seen Jack since this whole thing started and since Oklahoma she hadn't seen much of Hotch either.

Standing next to the SUV, she had seen everything in him she had been wishing for, for longer than she wanted to admit. Her Unit Chief was such a complex man and she found him endlessly fascinating. He was a hard ass in the office but at home with Jack he was often soft and loving, that complexity drew her in like nothing she ever would have expected. She was equally attracted to both facets of his personality and now she could hardly get a hello from him if it wasn't geared towards work.

He was keeping his distance from her. She had hurt him. She knew she was going to and wished with every fiber of her being that she could go back and change things but at the same time knowing that she couldn't.

Their conversations had become stilted and forced, the friendship and camaraderie was almost completely gone and she missed him. His calm and steady influence, especially now when her life felt so out of control.

But still he watched her from a distance, with that cool and enigmatic look on his face. Calculating, trying to piece it together.

She wished she could just tell him.

She wished she could find her friend again in the coolly aloof man she was faced with now.

She wished for her family.

How she wished that Doyle would just come after her, then it would be over.

One way or another.

* * *

_Think She Might Have Author's Note's Issues? - From this point forward Emily is going to start to feel a little OOC, especially from her cannon character (God knows on the show they are making her a hard ass – Sooo not happy about that). But it's necessary in her evolution in this story to take her to the point that she's at in Tragedies and the reasons for the decisions that her and Hotch have made. I think on the show they are making her much older when she meets Doyle; in this one she is very young and just out of training, making her more susceptible to trauma._

_I have done my level best in the following chapters to give her some rationale for her reactions without turning this into an epic length, flashback story, because in the end it's about Emily and Hotch and how they change because of the threat to her. So again, read, enjoy and let me know what you think... Little button there, give it a poke._

_The next chapter should be up on Sunday, provided that nothing goes wrong between now and then. Extra special thanks to all of the people who reviewed the last chapter, I was really leery about putting it out there. Thanks again._

_**TBC in Chapter Four – When All You Hear Are Footsteps**_

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	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter Four**_

_**When All You Hear Are Footsteps**_

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* * *

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_Author's Note: Okay…. So here is the point where she's finally going to lose it completely. I'm hoping that I managed to give you enough lead up that her reaction in this one doesn't seem like too much of a stretch. I had some trouble with this chapter and if either of their reactions feels like it's to much of a surprise, let me know, I may need to go back and tweek the other chapters a bit._

* * *

They had been back in Quantico from their last case for less than three hours and even though he had sent the rest of the team home, Emily was still somewhere on campus. He looked in all of the usual places for her but she seemed to have disappeared. He needed to see that she that she was managing. Today was the first time he had witnessed her issues affecting her ability to do her job.

They had been watching the bars along the beltline. It seemed like there were too many people, too much activity and he could tell that she was about it loose it. She had been on the opposite end of the bar from him and he could see her head swing about trying to keep an eye on everything at once. The final straw had come when a man innocently bumped into her and she fell into a defensive stance, preparing to be attacked, her hand reaching for her Glock which was tuck into the small of her back.

Hotch had quickly moved across the bar and suggested that she head out to the van, trading off with Dave, and work as coordinator. She must have realized that she couldn't cope because she left without comment or complaint and even gave him a small grateful smile as she pulled open the door to leave. The smile had never reached her eyes, not anymore, he could tell that she was disappointed in herself.

Aaron reached down and tugged gently on his jeans. He felt really odd standing in his office, in clothing for a stakeout. Dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt, sneakers and a bomber jacket, he felt like he should be going to a baseball game, not standing in his office. His wardrobe, combined with his feelings for Emily, were causing him to feel more out of his element that he had felt in a long time.

They had a dry spell as far as team cases went and she had been stuck in Virginia for over two weeks and as was their luck lately, the first case that they got was in Washington D.C. In Oklahoma, he had realized that their away cases were the only time that she actually relaxed and got some form of rest, it wasn't much but it seemed to be enough to stave off the worst symptoms of the sleep deprivation. But only when she was away from her home, from Virginia as a whole, and whatever it was that was chasing her.

He had done a considerable amount of work, trying to figure out what she had been up to during the time she was supposed to be in New York but it was tough going. He didn't want to chance on alerting anyone who might have flagged her file, so he had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to wait her out. But each day that passed wore on him just as much as it wore on her.

Over the last two weeks he had watch her deteriorate and it was tearing him apart.

Aaron was just about to give up and head down to requisition a vehicle to get home when he spotted two figures standing together out in the quad.

He recognized the profile of the man; he was the one from her apartment building. The other was the woman that he had been trying to find, none other than Emily Prentiss herself. He breathed a sigh of relief. He somehow knew that the man that she was with would help her in any way that he could.

Poor Emily had been so jumpy and withdrawn on the way back to Quantico that he had wanted to make sure she was okay, using the excuse of his lack of vehicle as the perfect excuse to finally try and draw her out. It was a long drive back to Washington and it was the perfect time, closed off in a small car, for him to try and find out what was causing the problem, or at the very least, see if there was something that he could do to help her. Because, honestly, this standing back and doing nothing wasn't working, she was only getting worse, and so was he, the distance between them was more than he could take.

But perhaps it would be better to leave her with her friend. The man knew what was causing her such distress, and even though he wanted to be the one to help her, be the one that she turned to, this man might be better equipped.

His opinion changed in a heartbeat.

Aaron looked over at them and noticed the way that she collapsed into the man in front of her, her back hunched and her forehead pressed into his chest. She was clutching his arms as if she was afraid that if she let go she would fall.

The other man wrapped his arms around her and he could see the way that her shoulders shuddered with sobs. Hotch felt impotent rage well up inside of him, he had enough of this. One of them was going to tell him what was going on.

* * *

Emily clung to Sean and mourned her friend. Yarley was a sweet girl and so very young. All she did was cart packages back and forth from his estate, she never did anything to Ian. But this was a death by extension, she was her friend and apparently that was enough for the man. Emily had befriended the shy fifteen year old girl when she was dropping a package off and now she realized, in hindsight, she should have kept her distance. She did with almost everyone else.

"Do you know for sure it was him?" Emily pulled back mere inches and brushed the tears from her cheeks. She remained in the circle of his arms trying to draw strength from his presence, just as she had all those years ago.

"No," Sean shook his head and gave her a look that said what he was thinking, "but she's the seventh person that we knew that has been killed since he escaped."

"Where was she?"

"She was home in Glasgow."

Her voice was soft when she asked the question she had been dreading. "Her husband… is he still…" She trailed off, unable to finish the question. She knew when he killed his first lieutenant, in some sick form of revenge against the man that testified against him; he also killed his wife.

"No Lass, Patrick is fine. They were married only a couple of years ago. He didn't know Ian Doyle, and Doyle had no reason to go after him."

"He didn't have a reason to go after Yarley either! She didn't have anything to do with us!" Her voice rose with her anger and by the end she was almost yelling. And as fast as it came her rage disappeared. "I just talked to her a couple of months ago. I was going to visit them in the summer." Tears clogged her voice as she collapsed again.

"Perhaps he knows something we don't; perhaps it's just what he suspects. I don't think this had anything to do with you."

Emily didn't believe that for a second but allowed Sean to think that his words helped. She knew he was growing concerned about her; everyone around her was, but she didn't know what else to do.

"He's all over the map Sean. First was Romanova and his family in Russia, then Carlisle and Parsky in France, now Devon and Yarley in Scotland. There's no order to it, how can we even be sure?" Sean could see her trying to rationalize and deny what they both knew was true.

It was so much harder for her. Sean was just her handler, but she was in the trenches and she knew all of these people and some of them she was very fond of.

"I think you know that's not the case." His voice was whispered, wishing he could allow her to live in denial of what was happening but he had never lied to her before and he wasn't going to start now.

"I know, I know," She pulled away and patted his chest, trying her best to get herself back under control. "Has Interpol had any luck tracking him yet?"

"Some, but they always get there just a little too late, he's moving too fast and when he goes to ground, there is nothing."

Emily pressed a hand to her forehead and tried to stave of the headache that was coming.

"How much longer till he comes after me… after you?" She turned her eyes to the sky and took a deep breath, trying to force the fear back below the surface, at least until she was alone and could deal with it in private.

"I don't know. With the way he's acting and how much time has passed since Scotland, he could already be here. I don't think he'll wait much longer, with each murder there is a greater chance you will go to ground and he won't be able to find you."

She turned her eyes to Sean and looked him over. He looked worse for wear and she knew a large part of that had to do with her. She took another deep breath and tried to get control over herself but eventually gave up; she just didn't have the energy at the moment.

"You need to get going, we've been out here too long, and I still shouldn't been seen with you. Especially with the way the team has been watching me."

He smiled and brushed a hand along her hair. He wouldn't tell her about Aaron Hotchner, and the fact that he was starting to put the pieces together, with a little help. It would distress her to know that he had risked his career for her, for her piece of mind, because he had no doubt that if there was one person out there that could help her, it was her Unit Chief.

"You need help lass; you need to let someone in." Sean tried to convey with his look how worried he was about her.

"I can't do that. Everything is classified and the only person I know who has the necessary level of clearance has a young child and a life away from all of this. I won't burden her, not with something she can't help with."

Sean breathed out a frustrated breath, "There are ways around that, I could get the clearance you need, all you have to do is ask and I'll find a way to make it happen."

"Sean, please, just let me deal this this in my own way." She begged him to understand.

He dropped his hands in defeat and moved off into the darkness, much in the same way that he arrived.

Emily had the insane urge to call him back as soon as he was gone from her sight. Regardless of the reason for his visit it was the first time she had felt even remotely free and safe in the last week.

It was wearing on her, trying to keep everyone distant enough to not ask questions and still keep the fear at bay. She felt safe with the team but at the same time she was hurting them by not telling them why she was so upset.

She looked down at her trembling hands and fought the urge to scream. She was so tired of this. This feeling of panic that was always just below the surface when she was home. The only solace she had, as sad as it was to say, was away cases. She turned back to the main building where her car was parked, hanging her head in defeat.

As she walked through the darkened quad she could feel the tension in her frame increasing…. She was going to snap, she knew she was. It was only a matter of when. Perhaps Sean was right, perhaps she needed help, it was more than obvious she couldn't handle this on her own. She opened the main doors and breathed deeply through her nose before looking at the ground and rushing through the main floor as quickly as she could.

Emily stood in the silence of the main hall, waiting for the elevator, and felt herself begin to tremble. As soon as the elevator doors open she darted inside and slammed her hand down on the close door button. Hands still shaking she pulled her gun from its holster and clicked the safety off before slipping it back in.

When the doors opened she rested her hand on the butt of her gun and peaked out, taking in the floor where her car was parked. There wasn't a sound, no movement, it was eerily silent. Taking several deep breaths to attempted to calm her nerves she stepped out and headed for her car.

* * *

Hotch ran into the garage and looked about. There was no sign of Emily but her car was still parked in its usual spot. He was only seconds behind her, he had seen her heading for the main floor just before he left his office; she had to be there somewhere. Hotch dropped his ready bag and started to look around for her, suddenly having a bad feeling about this.

Emily could hear the foot steps behind her and quickly ducked between two cars, crouching down low against the wall she pulled out her gun. The footsteps were definitely male but it wasn't Sean and it wasn't Anderson, whose car she was leaning against. She knew how they sounded when they moved. She knew how everyone sounded when they moved. This tread was light but the shoes where definitely sneakers, not the regulation black dress shoes that the men of the unit, hell all of the men wore.

She could feel her heart hammering in her chest and the sweat trickling down the back of her neck. Emily squeezed her eyes shut and tried to force her physiological reactions back under control. She opened her eyes and lifted enough to peak over the hood of the car. She still couldn't see anyone but the footsteps were still there, still following her. They were moving slowly, searching.

The only two cars down here belonging to day shift were hers and Anderson's. She knew all of the cars, had memorized who they belonged to and where they should be parked.

All the other cars belonged to people who were here overnight. There was no reason for anyone else to be down here. Her eyesight narrowed and she feared she was going to pass out. She brushed her hand under her nose and steadied her hands out in front of her.

Hotch could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Something wasn't right here. Emily should be at her car but she wasn't. He slowly moved past her car and stopped for a second, his head snapped sideways when he heard a soft sniff. Aaron turned towards Anderson's funny little green car and the suspected source of the sound. As he came around the end he was greeted with a sight that he would never forget.

Emily was crouched next to the ground, tears flowing down her cheeks and her Glock aiming for center mass. She was trembling so hard that he feared the gun going off without conscious thought on her part.

Finally realizing who was in front of her she collapsed sideways into the fender of the car and released the death grip she had on her gun, allowing it to tip forward and point at the ground.

"Hotch…"

She kept her eyes focused on him as he slowly moved forward. For the first time since he had met her, he was apprehensive in her presence, unsure of how she would react to him being so close. He crouched down in front of her and reached out to pull the gun from her grasp. She resisted for a moment before whispering his name again as she let go of the gun, trembling harder than before.

Ensuring that the safety was on, he tucked it into his pocket of his bomber jacket. "Emily…" His voice was soft and reassuring, drawing her attention to him.

Once he was certain that she was focused on him he reached for her hands, still poised to fire, even without the gun. Gripping them tightly in his own, he pulled her up with him until she was standing in front of him.

Emily felt him tugging her forward and pulling her into his arms. She breathed deeply, the slightly spicy woodsy smell she always associated with Aaron Hotchner, and was filled with a feeling of safety so startling that the last of her composure finally broke.

She sobbed useless tears, gasping for breath, clutching to him with everything thing that she had. Emily was truly afraid that if he let her go she would collapse and then there would be nothing left of her. She fisted her hands in the back of his t-shirt and thought back on what Sean had said before he left.

"I can't keep doing this anymore. I'm breaking Hotch," her words came out in shuddering breaths. She started to gasp as the panic welled up inside of her. Only a part of her was afraid for her life, the other, larger part was afraid that the woman that she once was, the woman she had struggled so hard to grow into, was gone forever.

Aaron tunneled a hand into her hair and held on as tight as he could. He tipped his head back and felt tears welling in his eyes. With each sob that she let loose his heart broke a little more and any hope he had of keeping the distance between the two of them was gone completely, not that he had any hope of that to begin with.

He was in this now.

There was no longer a choice.

"I know. I'm here. I won't let you break."

He held her gently but firmly and rocked them both from side to side until she started to calm down. Emily finally pulled back far enough to look up into his face and was shocked at the raw emotion she saw in his eyes.

Aaron reached up and gently brushed the backs of his fingers down her cheek, carefully drying her tears. Her eyes were swollen, nose red and running and in that moment he decided that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

On a whispered breath he asked the question that caused her to push him away before. "I need to know Emily. I can't help you if I don't know."

She shook her head furiously as the despair welled up inside of her again. Why did he keep asking? Why couldn't he understand?

"I can't tell you. I told you I can't." Her voice was husky and harsh, both from repressing her frustrated emotions and from the tears she had already shed that night.

"Ssshh." He smiled softly, reassuringly at her, "I know you can't tell me, but you do know who can."

She blinked at him with wide eyes wondering at how much he knew already. It was more than apparent that he knew something; it was in his eyes, his gentle touch. There was an understanding in his gaze that wasn't there when he first asked her.

"I don't know what you mean." She turned her head to the side, fearing he would see the lie in her eyes.

Hotch gently grasped her chin and turned her head back towards him. "The man you were with tonight, the one in the quad. He knows and I'm relatively sure that he can tell me or find me someone high enough on the food chain that can."

Emily closed her eyes in despair, "Sean…"

"Is that his name?"

She shook her head again and felt new tears trickling past her lashes.

"Emily, I have known you for four years. Never, in all that time, have I seen you so affected by something. You're breaking sweetheart. You need help. Let me help you." Hotch's voice was hoarse and filled with desperation.

There was such affection in his eyes, such sadness at her pain that she finally lost the will to fight and nodded her head. Wanting what he was offering with his soft words, gentle touch and endearments.

"I'll see what I can do."

He pulled her back to his chest and felt hope for the first time in over a month that perhaps they would make it out the other side of this.

Aaron placed a finger under her chin and tipped her head up so that he could look into her beautiful brown eyes. "Right now, you need to go home." He raised an eyebrow at her when she started to protest, "Not the hotel you've been living in either, but home."

Emily's eyebrows shot up at the knowledge that he knew she hadn't been home. It was certainly something she had never told anyone. Understanding her look, he clarified for her before her mind came up with reasons of its own. "Your friend told me."

"You talked to Sean?" Her eyes widened with the knowledge of the risks Sean was taking for her.

"He was at your apartment the other day, the day you blew up at Dave. He told me you've been staying somewhere else."

"I can't go back there Hotch." She started to tremble again at the thought of being in her apartment. "He'll know where I live."

Hotch's brow furrowed at the comment but countered with one of his own. "If this person has you this shaken, if you have this much reason to fear him, what makes you think he won't find you in a hotel?"

He knew his comment had hit the mark when her eyes widened with the realization that she wasn't safe there either, regardless of how careful she was, or of how she denied it. It was the reason she still couldn't sleep through the night. Hotch realized almost a moment too late that he was causing her greater distress.

"Look at me." She closed her eyes and her body started to shake violently. He grasped her shoulders firmly and gave her a shake. "NO! Focus on ME!"

Emily's eyes snapped open at the commanding tone and looked up at her Unit Chief. She breathed in his smell and felt her body start to relax. She was safe here. He would help keep her safe.

"You live on the sixth floor of a high security building. You have shatter proof glass on your windows. There is a metal frame, two dead bolts, a chain on the door and a state of the art security system. You are safer in your own home then you will be anywhere else, save here on campus."

Her eyes flitted back and forth as she processed what he was saying.

"Emily, you are severely sleep deprived and need a night in your own home, in your own bed." Hotch tried to will her to see his point of view, desperate for her to listen to him.

Her eyes shifted to the side and down, embarrassed at what she was about to admit to one of the strongest people she knew. "I'm scared."

Aaron pulled her into this chest again and held her tight; understand how much the admission had cost her. "I know you are love, but I'll be with you. You will be safe. I'll stay up all night if it will make you feel better."

"But Jack…" He smiled down at her. It was such an Emily thing to do, to consider his son before even considering her very real fears.

He placed a soft finger on her lips, stilling her protests. "Is with his Aunt, visiting his grandparents in Maine and will be gone till Monday."

She nodded her head. She knew she should fight him on this; it wasn't fair that she should be inconveniencing him like this, but she was just so tired.

"Now give me your keys and I'll take you home."

Without a word of protest she turned her keys over to him and allowed him to lead her to the car. He ran the short distance to the elevator and grabbed his go bag, before rushing back to the car. She climbed in and as he settled beside her, his scent filling the small car, she allowed her head to drop to the back of the seat.

She never even saw them leave the garage.

_**TBC in Chapter Five - Secrets In The Dead Of Night**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter Five**_

_**Secrets In The Dead Of Night**_

_Originally I had replied to an anonymous review in this place, it has since been remove. So has the resulting reply since I was quoted in it. After posting this chapter I have been quesitoned repeatedly both by review and p.m. and have decided that even though I won't turn off the anonymous review option, I can't respond to them. The only way to do so is through Author's note and it's to difficult to address comments, questions and concerns without giving away the story to people who don't want to know the ending. If you want answers to questions you will have to have a log in account so that I can respond by a reply. All I am going to say on the matter is this. This is only chapter five and we are only half way there. While something might not seem to make sense yet, we still have a ways to go. Let the story evolve on it's own._

_Again, thank you to everyone, sincerely, that has taken the time to review. Your enjoyment and enthusiasm for my take on H/P has made this a joy to post. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by the weekend._

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JJ huffed out a deep sigh as she sat back down at the table. When the team had first called her a couple of hours ago she had assumed that they were actually going to talk about the problem with Em, but it sure didn't look that way now. They all sat around the restaurant table and looked from one to the other, no one wanted to start the conversation but it was one they all knew they needed to have.

Dave tapped his ring on the table in agitated annoyance. Well, if one of the others wouldn't start then he would.

"It's affecting her job."

Derek just nodded his head. He had been in another bar with Ashley and Emily had been with Hotch, but he had known what had happened when he heard her voice on the line; he had known that Hotch had to pull her out.

"The last couple of weeks have been the worst." Derek's eyes grew sad with the thought of his missing friend, because that's what she was, missing. Even if she was in the building with them every day she still wasn't really there.

"Well, we'll just have to keep a better eye on her. We've all be there." Reid's words were decisive but you could tell that he didn't really believe them.

Seaver chewed on the end of her thumb nail and Morgan smiled softly, it was a habit she seemed to have picked up from her training agent. "What's on your mind girl?"

Her voice was soft and tentative when she spoke, like she didn't feel like she had the right to add her opinion. "I don't think its burn out."

Everyone started talking at once, some in agreement and the others in annoyance that she was offering an opinion about a subject that she had no basis for understanding. Finally Garcia got annoyed and shouted above the din of the table, causing everyone else to quiet down immediately.

"I agree with her. It's not burnout." Ashley's eyes widened at that, Garcia was the last one that she expected to back her up. She was the only one that was still mostly standoffish with her.

"Mama…"

"Derek, no." Everyone's eyebrows shot up at her use of his first name and the seriousness of the situation was brought home once again. "I've never gone through it, neither has Ashley, we see things a little differently then all of you.

She swallowed hard and looked around the table at the rest of the team. "But I have stood on the outside for the last eight years with this unit, with all my superheroes, and I have watched you all go through it, at one point or another, I know what it looks like, and Emily is completely different."

Ashley leaned forward on the table and put in her two cents worth, now that she knew she wasn't alone in her theory. She finally broached a subject that had been bothering her for some time but didn't feel like it was her place to question.

"I mean, if it was burn out… Wouldn't Hotch have done something before now? Its normal isn't it?" Her tone was soft and questioning but grew in firmness as she continued, "He's treating this like it's anything but normal. Why hasn't he done something before now… if it's normal?"

"It affects everyone differently and you can't push them into talking. They have to come to it on their own and reach out." Reid shrugged his shoulder, having been on one the last ones to go through it with the team and his version was unrelenting nightmares. He knew that JJ had as well, not long after he had, and that her outlet was anger, she was snapping at everyone for weeks before Hotch finally sat her down and got her to talk.

Ashley nodded her head and looked down at the table. JJ reached over and touched her hand, and Seaver looked up and gave her a sad smile. Emily was the only one of the team that didn't treat her like she was an interloper, at least that's the way she felt. But this woman, who she met for the first time that night, reached out for her. Seemed to understand how much Emily's problem was upsetting her. Emily Prentiss had fought for her, given her a chance, and she wanted to help the woman in any way she could.

"Elle burnt out and it was messy…" Her voice was soft and sympathetic, at least till she was interrupted, and by the last person she would have expected.

Garcia cut JJ off before she could even get started, "Elle cracked under the pressure. She couldn't handle it and it was coming for at least six months _before_ she was shot."

She held up her hand as Morgan and Reid started to interrupt her. "I know you guys liked her but I didn't. I'm not looking at her with rose colored glasses. She cracked; you don't track down a un-sub and shoot them in cold blood, and still have all of your marbles. What's happening with Em is something else entirely."

Reid opened his mouth to protest Garcia telling their darkest secret in front of someone who was still unknown to the team. Penelope rolled her eyes at him and cut him off before he could even start, "Shut up Reid, Emily trusts her, I trust Emily, get over it." His jaw snapped shut and his eyes widened. Just like that Garcia slapped him down too.

Dave's brows furrowed in concern. Obviously Hotch wasn't the only one who was having troubles dealing with the changes in Emily. He couldn't remember having ever heard Penelope be anything but kind to everyone. Perhaps he should think about sitting down and talking to her at some point too. She seemed to need someone she could talk to and she didn't appear to be talking to Derek if the surprised look on his face as anything to go by.

Rossi looked at the tech analyst with a new appreciation though. He had heard stories about Elle, many of them, and Pen was right. It was coming long before they had a clue, some of her back files that he had looked at were riddled with the signs and it was classic. The fact that she had put it together when all of the others missed it kind of intrigued him.

The girls were right on one count though. It wasn't burn out that was chasing Emily Prentiss but he couldn't tell them that without betraying Hotch's confidence and that was a tale he would take to his grave before sharing with anyone else, even the team.

But maybe he could reassure them a little. He looked over at Ashley since she was the one that brought it up. "You're right, she not burning out but you're wrong about Hotch, he knows and he has been trying. If you think she's been shutting us down pretty hard, she landed on Hotch with both feet."

"What happened?" Reid looked worried because he couldn't imagine being anything but slightly intimidated by their boss. Even after more than six years working with the man and going from team mates before his current subordinate position. Hotch had always seemed larger than life and kind of imposing to the teams youngest member.

"I don't know the specifics but you know Hotch, he and delicacy don't spend much time together. If I had to guess he asked her point blank and she slapped him down, hard. I just know that when we got back from Tulsa, he was being much more careful with her."

JJ held up her hands to forestall the conversation that was about to start. "Guys, this is all well and good, but it doesn't matter. What matters is what we are going to do about it."

"_We_ do nothing." Dave leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms considering the topic closed.

"Rossi, how can you…." Derek's voice rose in anger, he didn't like this feeling of doing nothing, that he couldn't help Emily.

"No. I know Hotch was going to talk to her again tonight. We have to trust that he knows what he's doing. He's gotten you all over you're problems over the years, yes?"

When they all, save Seaver, nodded their heads he continued.

"We have to trust he'll help her too and if he needs us, he'll come to us."

* * *

Hotch leaned across the seat and placed a hand gently on Emily's face. He was loath to wake her but there was no choice. He needed to get her inside. She was finally sleeping, had been sleeping for the hour long drive from Quantico to her apartment in Washington. She wasn't relaxed by any stretch of the imagination, her face still had that tense, pinched look to it, but at least she was sleeping.

"Emily…" His voice was whisper soft in the stillness of the car.

"Hotch…" Emily's eyes fluttered open and were immediately drawn to him, unlike her normal behavior of cataloging her surroundings. "Where are we?"

He pulled back from her and allowed her to focus. "Home, let's get you inside."

Hotch moved around the car and helped her out. She stumbled slightly on the sidewalk, making her sleep deprivation even more obvious than before. Emily leaned heavily into his side as he lifted their go-bags over his shoulder and helped her into the building.

The ride up was quiet and uneventful, Emily leaning against his arm. Now that she had gotten some rest, it seemed as if she couldn't keep her eyes open.

Hotch set down the bags on the floor and using her key opened the door. His first instinct was go in first, make sure it was safe but he reigned in the impulse and waited, allowing her the choice, the control of going in first. It might not have seemed like much to most people but he suspected that for her it would mean much more, giving her a semblance of control that he understood she had been lacking.

Emily was wary as she moved into the apartment, she heard the door close behind her and let out a soft gasp, startled by the soft sound. She took a deep fortifying breath and reminding herself that Hotch was there. Everything was going to be okay.

She reached forward to activate the alarm and her hand trembled so badly that she missed several of the buttons. Hotch moved up behind her sliding one hand around her waist until she was wrapped up in his embrace. He carefully pulled her back into the comforting warmth of his body, his other hand reaching up and held her hand until the trembling lessened.

She let out a wavering sigh and could feel tears welling in her eyes again. "I don't understand why I'm so scared."

Hotch's voice was soft with sympathy and understanding. He knew better than most, what she was feeling at that moment and would give anything to make it go away for her. "You need sleep. It's a side effect of sleep deprivation."

She continued to tremble and softly gasp for breath. Hotch pulled her tighter to him, hunching his shoulders forward so that he wrapped his whole body around hers. His head dropped forward until he was whispering softly in her ear. "Feel me Emily. You're safe here; I won't let anything happen to you."

She took another deep breath and nodded. With his hand still holding hers, she activated the seven digit code that set the alarm. She breathed out a sigh of relief at being able to do that much, seeing as how the day she left she couldn't even activate it.

Her hand, still wrapped up in his dropped until both were around her waist. Aaron held her for several moments, breathing in her scent and enjoying the feeling that came with having her so close; she turned her face sideways and rubbed her cheek against his chest and he let out a soft moan in pleasure at the affectionate gesture.

Emily turned around in his arms to face him, needing for a moment, to see the reality of him. She reached up one hand and cupped the side of his face, watching as his soft lashes fell to dust his cheeks.

As much as she would have like to have stayed there, in his arms, she knew she wouldn't feel safe until she did a walkthrough of the apartment.

"I need…" She swallowed hard, afraid that she would disappoint him with her need, with her fear. "I need to check the place out."

"Then we do it together." He grasped her hand again and gave a soft tug. She peered up into his dark eyes and in their dark depths was nothing but understanding and not for the first time she wondered at that.

Hotch folded her smaller hand into his own and lead the way through the apartment, they checked each doorway, every room, some more than once. He followed her, repeating actions, so that she would finally feel safe. He smiled softly when they checked the key pad for the alarm for the third time, it was something he remembered doing on more than one occasion.

Standing in front of the large glass window, he watched as she carefully checked the latches before turning back to him. "Close the blinds and curtains Emily."

Her brow furrowed, not understanding, this was her favorite view from her apartment and she didn't want to give it up. When she hesitated he stepped closer to her and attempted to explain. "It's the largest view into the room, it might not seem like much but it will make you feel better if it's blocked out. Trust me."

"Okay." She hesitantly reached out and closed the blinds, pulling the heavy black out curtains closed over top.

Standing back she tipped her head in thought as she looked at the dark window. She couldn't see out, but no one else could see in. From the outside of the building you would have no way of knowing if she was even here.

"I get it." Emily grasped his hand again, without thought, and they made the same circuit through the place, repeating the process with each window.

When they arrived back into the living room she breathed a sigh of relief. It was strange, but between this strange little ritual and his presence in her home she felt more centered than she had in weeks. She was by no means okay but she didn't feel like the panic was going to suffocate her at any moment. When she started to feel her heart rate go up, she reminded herself of what Hotch had said. There was nowhere she was safer.

Taking advantage of the dim lighting and slightly intimate atmosphere she broached a question that she never would have had the nerve to have asked before.

"You've done this before, haven't you? All of this."

Aaron looked away from her before nodding his head. "Yes. Every single time I walked into my apartment, for the first three months."

Emily didn't need to ask when that was, or even why. She simply walked over to him and tentatively wrapped her arms around his waist. "Thank you," He looked down into her upturned face, a question in his own, "For telling me and for doing this."

He nodded his head and pulled away from her before thinking twice and pulling her by the hand into the kitchen. Aaron all but dragged her over to one of the stools at the island bar and pushed her down into it. Emily watched, enraptured as he puttered about her kitchen. He hadn't been in her home many times but seemed to remember, effortlessly, where everything was located just from the memory of watching her do it.

Aaron boiled a pot of water and dug out the mint tea that he knew that she favored when she had trouble sleeping. He had caught her with it tucked away in her purse on more than one away case. Finding a jar of honey in the cupboard, he proceeded to make her a cup of hot, weak, sweet tea, placing it in front of her.

"Drink this. Then go have a long hot shower and go to bed."

Emily didn't even put up a whisper of protest. She finished off the tea and headed upstairs, trusting that he would remember where the guest room was.

* * *

As the hot water flowed over her skin Emily felt it take some of the tension from her muscles with it as it flowed down the drain. This was one of the things that she missed most. She got to be a master of speed showering since the whole thing began. She felt far too vulnerable to be naked in a shower for any length of time, forget about bathing entirely.

She tipped her head forward and felt the water dribble over her face, masking the tears she was shedding. This time they were tears of relief. For the first time she felt safe, she was at home and it was all because of the man that was wandering around her apartment below her. She could be relatively certain that Doyle would never come for her if there was someone else around. Everything he did was motivated by revenge for taking his freedom; he wouldn't take the chance on losing it again so soon. It was why she had always felt safest with the team.

She thought about Aaron Hotchner, one floor below her feet, roaming around her apartment. She was a little perplexed by the whole thing. She should have known that Hotch would put it together in the end, the man loved his puzzles. It was likely one of the reasons he hadn't burnt out after so long with the BAU. She would give anything to know how he seemed to understand how she was feeling when some of the most empathetic people she knew didn't. She knew he talked to Sean and she had to wonder at how much he told her Unit Chief, how much he really knew. Poor Sean, the risks he was taking for her, again.

She could admit to feeling relieved. In the back of her mind she had been certain that she would die alone and that no one would know or understand why. She just hoped that Sean would be able to give Hotch the answers he wanted. She would finally do what Sean had been pushing her to do since the beginning. Ask for help, not that Hotch would give her much choice in the matter. He had made his feelings clear, she wouldn't be able to push him away, he wouldn't allow it.

Emily tipped her head back against the wall, feeling the water beating a path over her skin and permitted her mind to wander. She thought back over the time since he found her tonight. His gentle touches and softly whispered words and felt butterflies filling her stomach. She didn't know where this was going but for the first time in quiet awhile she was content to let someone else take the lead.

Turning her face against the cool tile she felt a blush creep up her cheeks as she remembered him calling her sweetheart, calling her his love. Oh yeah, this was going somewhere, somewhere she never expected to be able to go with him, regardless of what she might have wanted. He had always seemed cool and untouchable to her, until now.

Emily finally turned off the water when her skin began to prune. She was a pleasant shade of pink from the heat and felt more relaxed than she had in months. She patted her skin dry and brushed out her hair, the simple act giving her a feeling of comfort she had been missing. Pulling on a nightgown she reached out and touched her reflection in the mirror. She could see herself there again, instead of the scared and frail woman she was becoming, the dark bags under her eyes were still present and her skin was too pale by far but she felt better than she had and it showed.

As she stepped out of the steaming bathroom she was shocked to see the wing chair from the guest room next to her bed. Sitting on the night table were two books, a glass of water and another cup of steaming tea.

She moved to the door and could hear Hotch's soft voice talking on the phone. She felt an unfamiliar smile cross her lips, a genuine one, as she listened to Hotch talking to his son. At times he almost seemed like someone completely different when he shed his Unit Chief persona and just became Aaron, like he did with his son. It was a contradiction that was difficult to get used to but one that she had seen several times over the last year and had always fascinated her endlessly.

Emily made her way over to the bed. Sitting on the side she took a couple of sips of tea and felt lethargy fill her that she hadn't felt in a long time. She picked up the books, curious for a glimpse into the mind of one of the most reserved men she knew.

Her eyebrows shot up into her hairline as she recognized the books. The first was L'Homme Aux Quarante Écus by Voltaire, in the original French. She flipped opened the delicate old book and whistled when she read the date, it was an original. The second book was a dictionary, French to English, to help him translate the first.

Emily sat back and gently laid the books where she found them. She finished her warm tea before pulling back the blankets and curling up on her side, determined to stay awake and ask him about the books. She smiled softly as she listened to the soft laughter of her Unit Chief downstairs and slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Hotch clicked his phone shut and turned it on to vibrate. He eased himself into one of the bar stools at the island and gently placed the phone on the counter before letting his head drop into his hands. He had forgotten how exhausting this was, and this time it was from the outside, looking in. It was bringing up memories that he had hoped were in the past and he wouldn't have to deal with again.

Glancing over at the stair case he thought to himself that the woman at the top of the stairs was worth it. There was something about her that just drew you in, whether you wanted it to or not. And for the first time since Haley left him he found himself wanting to be drawn in. Wanting the life that he's daydreams had given him a glimpse of.

As strange as it sounded this recent spell had solidified his need for her. Before his attraction to her was secondary and even if, surrounded by darkness in his bed at night, he thought about what it would be like between them, he couldn't find it in himself to cross that line with her. She was just Prentiss, beautiful, enigmatic, driven, and controlled and so unbelievably far out of his reach. It had never occurred to him that there could be anything there. But tonight, when he held her at the door, he could feel the possibilities. It was in the way that she leaned into him, breathed in his scent, nuzzled her face into his chest and it sent his mind reeling. Her touch in that moment was less of a woman looking for comfort and more of one looking for love.

Finally, he was seeing a side to her that he suspected that no one else ever got to see, except perhaps for Sean. That she wasn't always strong and capable, that in the end she was just as human as everyone else.

Aaron had spent so long trying to be the perfect husband, perfect father, and perfect agent, that to see that same symmetry in her made him crave her in a way that was startling. He finally found the possibility that there could be woman out there that would understand him because she knew what it was like. When she pulled back from him earlier, all he had wanted to do was pull her back into his arms and keep her there. She was so soft and warm and the desire he felt for her even in that moment was going to keep him awake well into dawn.

It was too soon to pursue anything with her. He knew that logically. She needed to get past whatever it was that was driving her and to add the element of his desires, his needs, to her already jumbled emotions wasn't fair to her. But the desire was still there, like a burning ember in the pit of his stomach, just waiting for an outlet.

But perhaps he could sow the seeds now. He opened up to her a little earlier and was rewarded for the effort. If he could just continue with that, perhaps things would evolve on their own.

Aaron picked up his phone, double checked that it was on vibrate, and headed upstairs to sit vigil over a woman that was coming to mean more to him than he had ever thought possible and he found, even knowing the danger, there was no place he would rather be.

* * *

Emily's eyes flitted open as Aaron settled himself in his chair, picking up his book; he glanced at her and smiled softly at the sight of her slivered eyes watching him.

"Why Voltaire?" Emily's voice was soft and she was hoping that the connection they had made earlier would carry to now. She desperately wanted to find out more about this incredibly reserved but desirable man.

Hotch looked down at the books and debated blowing off the question. It was something he never talked about and had never planned on doing so but if he wanted something more with this woman he was going to have to continue to open up and let her in.

"Megan Kane."

Emily's eyes flitted back and forth as she tried to place the name, her eyes widened slightly when she connected them. "She was the un-sub from Dallas?"

Hotch nodded slowly and Emily remained quiet, letting him decide how much to tell her, without her pushing.

"She touched me. Even knowing what she did, when she died, all I could see was a sad little girl who just wanted someone to love her, to put her first."

Hotch blinked down at the books before meeting Emily's eyes again.

"Before we left Dallas I went to see her Mother. I don't really know why but I didn't want the woman to remember her daughter as a cold blooded killer that she was going to be portrayed as. We talked for a long time and when I left I thought that was the end of it, closure found, for both of us."

Hotch lifted the book so she could see the title. "These came from her mother a couple of months later. I arrived in my office one day after an away case and found two boxes with her collection of Voltaire and a note from her Mother. She thanked me for being with Megan when she died and said that her daughter would have wanted me to have them. I decided then and there I would read them, if for no other reason than to honor the woman that Megan Kane could have become had she been given the chance."

Aaron set down the books on the table and scratched the back of his head, giving her a soft, slightly embarrassed smile. "The worst part is that I don't really get what I'm reading; it's old French and doesn't translate very well."

"It's a collection of romantic stories, compiled over his career." She smiled softly at the way his brows raised at that.

"You've read it?" He was surprised at that, although he didn't really know why. He knew Emily was well travelled and well educated.

"Once, when I lived in Egypt, my father gave me a copy he had found on one of his trips." Her eyes flitted closed and Aaron picked up his book again. Allowing the conversation to naturally end and hoping she would sleep for a while.

* * *

Emily blinked open her eyes and looked over at the clock beside her. She had been asleep for almost three hours. It was more sleep at one time that she'd had in the last month. Through her lashes she peaked about her room and her eyes widened slightly at the sight of Hotch sitting in the chair next to her bed where he had been when she fell asleep. She had assumed that he would have gone to bed himself long ago.

He was about five feet away from her and angled in such a way that he was facing her directly. He had both books open and was reading intently from one, every once and a while he would stop, look up something in the other one, and then go back to reading.

There was such a look of deep concentration on his face, it caused her to smile. He didn't have that hard frown like he did at work but more like a child trying to work out a complex puzzle. The sight was so endearing that she would have given anything to say there and watch him forever.

This man sitting here was someone she didn't know. Dressed in jogging pants, bare feet and a standard issue FBI t-shirt, he didn't look much liked the repressed, buttoned up man she was used to dealing with. But the thing that made her smile the most was the reading glasses. She didn't even know he needed them, had never seen him wearing them but with how much time he spent glaring at paper she supposed that it shouldn't be that much of a shock.

Most people would consider it vane that he didn't wear them the rest of the time, but she suspected it had more to do with the fact that needing them would be inconvenient. And in all the years she had known him one thing she had learned was that Aaron Hotchner didn't like to be inconvenienced. She wondered for a moment how he was coping, having to deal with her. She allowed her eyes to close and focused on the sound of his breathing next to her.

Hotch flipped back to the French book and tried to make sense of the phrase that he was reading. Now that she was asleep, he wished she was awake so that he could just ask her. Emily spoke French fluently and would easily be able to translate the mess that he was trying to read, his French so bad that it was a wonder he could string together a sentence, let alone a book.

Aaron reach up and pushed the glasses back up his nose and let out an irritated sigh. Perhaps he should look into those bifocal contacts they had for reading. That would certainly easier than dealing with these stupid things that kept slipping down his nose.

Hotch looked up at Emily and she seemed to be relaxed and comfortable. The pinched look around her eyes was gone and she only had one passing nightmare so far. About an hour before she had gotten a pained look on her face and cried out softly. He was just about to move over and wake her up when she turned on her side to face him and resumed a more peaceful sleep.

He turned back to his books and kept trying to read, finally reaching the bottom of the page; he smiled brightly at the accomplishment and considered calling it a night. She had been sleeping peacefully for a while now and perhaps she would be okay for the rest of it but at the same time he didn't want to leave her presence.

There was a certain peace and tranquility here in her room, watching over her as she slept that he was loath to give up. Who knew when the next time he would have this chance would be. He pushed his glasses back up and gave and irritated huff before flipping the page and trying to keep going.

"I was so young at the time that I didn't really understand what I was getting into." Hotch jerked at the sound of her voice and almost lost the book perched in his lap. Her voice was soft and her eyes, while looking at him were focused somewhere in the past.

Gently he closed his books and placed them on the nightstand. He never spoke, for fear that she would stop and he somehow knew that what she was saying would give him a glimpse into what was troubling her so.

"It all seemed like a grand adventure. I was only a year out of the Academy and to be chosen was like something out of a fantastic story. I was supposed to be domestic help in his house because I fit a certain look that he favored, young, pretty and brunette. I was chosen for that reason and because of my linguistic skills, not to mention my assumed understanding of politics and how to toe the party line." Emily gave a self-deprecating sniff at how stupid she had been. Her placement had less to do with her skills and more to do with her mother, the widely held belief that she would understand the politics and do as she was told.

"I was to try and integrate myself into his house and attempt to collect any information that I could. It worked a little too well. He was enamored with me right from the start. He paid little attention to what was said in my presence so long as I was in the room with him, where he could watch me. There was also the assumption that I wouldn't understand what they were saying anyway."

She turned her eyes down, unable to look at him as she continued, "I knew he wasn't a good man. I wouldn't have been there if he was. But I had no idea, none, of what kind of a man he really was. What he was capable of. He was the epitome of a cold hard business man and every depraved act that he committed was to that end. He had no conscience and cared for nothing but gaining power and wealth."

Tears slipped down her cheeks as her voice got quieter. Hotch moved over to the side of the bed and grasped one of her hands in his own, lending her comfort in the only way that he could, allowing his touched to remind her that she wasn't alone anymore.

"Sean called for a meet. There was man that had been murdered. Such a tame phrase for what was done to him. They needed me to try and find out if he had anything to do with it, listen in, they just wanted confirmation. I didn't understand at the time but the death of the man was of no importance. They wanted the money trails, the connections. Simple torture and murder meant nothing to them."

She turned slightly so that she was looking up at him, tears flowing freely again, and for once she did nothing to hide them, didn't even attempt to stop them.

"The man was missing for a week before he was killed. He was from some Mediterranean country and I never did learn what his connection was. He was tortured in way that I had never heard of before then. When he was found, he was missing several fingers, they found pieces of wood under his finger nails, they found pins stuck between his toes, burns, surface lacerations, and there wasn't a place on his body that didn't have a bruise. The worst thing to me, at least at the time, was that he was forced to eat one of his own eyes. The coroner confirmed that he was alive at the time."

Emily swallowed reflexively at the feeling that the pictures brought up in her. That man was one of her most constant nightmares and after then years it still created a completely visceral reaction in her.

"I was a good little agent, did what I was trained to do, I went and I listened. He was talking with a man that I now know was his second, his lieutenant, in Russian. I leaned against the wall and listened in, trying to piece together what they were saying. He talked about it with pride, he had done it all himself, and they laughed about the way he begged for his life. He tortured him for information, nothing more important than that. There was no shame, no remorse over what he had done. Then came the hardest blow, it happened on the property, in the very house, that I had been living in all that week he was missing and I never knew it was happening."

"I called Sean immediately. I wanted out. I didn't want to be a party to the things that were happening in that house but I was in too deep. No one else had gotten close enough, could get the information that I was getting. I had to keep vying for his attention, accepting of his advances when the mere presence of him filled me with revulsion and fear."

Hotch felt tears fill his eyes. Understanding the position she was in, the choice she had to make. Give up everything, including the hopes of finding any kind of justice, or save her own sanity.

"The last night I stayed here, I had a horrible nightmare. I was back in that house, back in the room where it happened. I think the BAU has made it worse, because instead of pictures, I have seen the bodies, been in those rooms," her voice was growing louder with each passing sentence, "but instead of this nameless man it was Derek, he had always reminded me of him. Beautiful, passionate, loving Derek; my friend, my partner." She was sobbing uncontrollably and her voice was high pitched and panicky. "I lost it completely. I couldn't stay here anymore; knowing that he would find me here and there was nothing I could do to stop him."

"I know… I know, logically, that he just wants me dead. He's too goal oriented for any of the extra crap that we see every day. But even knowing that… I can't get the pictures out of my head!"

Hotch pulled her up into his arms and held her as tight as he could. She buried her face in his neck and cried as he rocked her back and forth, sharing her pain and now understanding a little of what drove her.

After a while she calmed and he pulled away enough to realize she had cried herself back to sleep. As gently as he could he lay her back down and covered her up. Moving down to the floor he knelt beside her and brushed his hand along her hair. If possible, his admiration for her grew and with it so was did his desire.

Desire for many things; but paramount, was the desire to keep her safe and whole. And perhaps in the end they could see where the other desires would go.

Aaron stood back up and returned to his vigil in his chair. He would not leave her tonight. If he had his way, he wouldn't leave her ever again.

_**TBC in Chapter Six – Every Emotion In Between**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Six**_

_**Every Emotion In Between**_

_Tiny Author's Note: This is the chapter that will earn its M rating. I would class it as soft M, nothing you wouldn't find in a drug store romance novel but if you want to skip it, it starts about half way through this chapter and it's obvious when it does. I managed to work it so you can stop there, without missing anything that would be important to the story. Enjoy._

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* * *

_

Hotch stood in his office taking one last look around and packed up the rest of the files that he would need to see to on the weekend, if necessary, but he sincerely hoped that he wouldn't have to. Dave had taken one look at him, and the empty desk that Emily normally sat at, and knew that finally someone had gotten though to her.

Speaking from the doorway, Dave's voice was almost circumspect, odd thing that, coming from Dave. "How is she?"

Hotch sighed and thought for a moment before responding. "She's coping, she's strong, and ultimately in the end she'll be okay."

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Dave moved into the room and watched as Hotch packed up his desk.

The taciturn man would pack a couple of things in, take one out, before adding it and several other things back in again. It spoke to Hotch's level of distress over the last month that he was still having issues focusing. It had started after their conversation in Tulsa and seemed to only be getting worse. Dave knew that Emily's issues were affecting Hotch in a way that he suspected that the other man hadn't predicted, his own resulting, lingering, issues coming to the surface.

Aaron looked up at Dave before returning to what he was doing. He hesitantly shook his head, keeping his face turned to the files. He knew more than he did, but still not everything and if he had any hopes of getting more information he couldn't say anything either. He was beginning to understand the pressures Emily was facing that were coming from just having to keep the secret alone.

"Are you staying with her today?"

Hotch nodded his head slowly, thinking things over. "She needs the rest; we'll be in tomorrow though."

Dave raised his brows at that. He would have expected the two them to take more time, granted he didn't really know what was going on but he could see the how effected Emily was. "Take your time; we can hold things down here."

"We can't. If both of us are missing from the office for too long someone is going to question why." Hotch leaned both hands on the desk and dropped his head forward, contemplating. "We can't have them finding out about this. It would damage her career. Regardless of what HR or Strauss may say, it would end up in her file. Why do you think that I worked so hard at keeping my issues away from work? Why she has worked so hard up till now?"

"Aaron, we protect our own." Dave frowned at the reminder of how they had let the man down after Foyet, their own inability to see how troubled he was. "Take the time that you need, let me worry about the dragon lady." Rossi reached out and squeezed Hotch's arm before turning and leaving the office.

Hotch smirked at that. Only Dave would have the balls to call Strauss that, well, at least out loud anyway. He supposed that there had to be some advantages to coming out of the academy with the woman. He took a last look around the office for anything he missed and shoved the last file into his brief case.

Closing down his laptop, Hotch packed up the file notes that Dave had left for him on the Washington case. Just as he was closing his briefcase his hands stilled at the sound of a soft voice, clearing its throat from the door.

Hotch turned his head and his eyes widened at the sight of the man standing in the doorway to his office, badge indicating that he was a visitor but he had apparently been uncontested in his trip to the Unit Chief's office. His eyes lingered on his credentials hanging from his belt and figured that that explained it. Interpol… and a couple more of the pieces fell into place.

Sean McAllister actually felt uncomfortable, not something he was accustomed to, as he stepped forward without prompting and closed the door behind him. Standing in the stern man's office, he actually felt like he was at a disadvantage, regardless of the fact that the file he carried was something that Aaron Hotchner wanted, very badly. From the tense set to the man's shoulders he would be surprised if he didn't skin him alive once he read the file and knew of how complicit Sean was in Emily's initial trauma.

Sean tapped the file against his leg and Hotch's eyes focused on it, unable to look away, knowing that it contained the secrets to what was hurting Emily so much, why after all these years and the distance from the events she was still so effected.

Sean moved forward till he was standing at the opposite side of the desk and handed the file to Hotch. "She asked that I give this to you."

Aaron had known that Emily was going to call her friend when he left for Quantico but he never expected this. "That was fast."

"I had it ready before she called." He shrugged negligently, "I was fairly sure that you would be the one that would get her to open up. She's so guarded most of the time, but she seemed to relax around you in a way that she never did with anyone else."

Sean pointed to the file but his eyes flitted away from it almost immediately and it was a reaction that Hotch filled away to think about at a later time. "I requested to give it to you after meeting you at her apartment. I told my supervisors that she called and asked for your security clearance. Contrary to what she thought, for a man in your position of authority it was simple to get you the clearance you needed. If it had been anyone else it would have been much harder, if at all possible."

Sean let out a relieved breath, "It actually gave me a legitimate reason for being in Washington, which I was grateful for, I've been on shaky ground this last month."

Aaron nodded his head in understanding and then frowned in irritation; so much trouble could have been prevented. "Wait, if you had this why didn't you give it to me then?"

Sean sighed and looked away, trying to formulate a way to explain his reasoning. "Emily is intensely private and if I had given this to you then, it would have been one more thing that was out of her control. She couldn't control anything that was happening back then and it's one of the things that caused her such a problem. Giving her control now, even over something so small will help her in the end, so she had to ask, she had to choose to let you in."

Hotch nodded his head in understanding, it was the same reason he wouldn't enter her apartment first the night before. He was trying to help her find some kind of control when things felt completely out of control. The man in front of him was doing what he could, within the parameters of his job, to help her.

"Sean McAllister, Scottish Police Services Authority, Adjunct to Scotland Yard, current assignment, Interpol." Sean held out his hand and Aaron grasped it in a firm grip, knowing that this man would help him to protect Emily in any way that he could.

"Aaron Hotchner..." he looked around his office, before quirking his lips, "Obvious."

Sean gave him a bright smile, understanding that this was not a man that would make jokes often and somehow he had passed a test in the taciturn man's eyes.

He turned back to the reason for his visit and felt the temporary warmth in the room fade away, "You do understand that you are the only one that can see this file. In fact, after you have looked at it, I would ask that you destroy it."

Hotch grasped the folder tightly, understanding the unspoken statement, that by opening the file he was making a choice too. "I understand."

Sean turned and headed for the door, just as he was about to open it, he looked back over his shoulder and Hotch almost gasped at the pain that was in his eyes.

"I knew she wasn't ready, that she wasn't capable and believe me, if I could go back, push her away before it all started, whether or not we got Doyle in the end, please know, I would have, to have protected her from this."

Hotch nodded his head and the other man hurried from his office. He looked down at the file in his hand and debated for several moments before shoving it into his briefcase and snapping it closed. He wouldn't do this here; he needed a place with a little more privacy before opening up what he was sure was to be terror.

* * *

About half way between Quantico and Washington there was an isolated roadside turn out that was just about perfect for what Aaron needed; pulling the car into a parking space he pulled out the file. Turning it over in his hands he contemplated the inch thick folder before opening it and starting to read.

Even with as fast as Aaron Hotchner could breakdown and consume documented information it still took him the better part of an hour to get through all of the relevant facts, having to go back and verify things repeatedly. Once he was finished he put the file back into his case and gently closed the lid with trembling fingers.

Unable to stand the closed off atmosphere of the car, he got out and leaned against the trunk. He pressed a fist to his stomach, he felt sick. Not so much from the information, he had seen equal amounts of blood and death in his years with the BAU, but for Emily.

Jesus, she was only 24 and expected to stay in a house with a man like that for another five months, after realizing that monsters did exist and one was sleeping down the hall. It was no small wonder that she came out sane on the other side.

He took several deep breaths in through his nose to quell the nausea that was rising up in him at the things she would have been privy to in those months, for someone so young to have lived like that... He understood now how it was that she looked at what they did now and could compartmentalize it. She had lived through her greatest fears already.

And now more than ever, he was thankful to Sean McAllister, the man had been there with her every step of the way and then some. And regardless of the man's obvious remorse for not having protected her in the beginning Sean was tied into the whole thing just as tightly as Emily was. In hindsight, Aaron could see that there was nothing that the other man could have done that he didn't try, no way to have slowed the events that were unfolding around the young girl. He did what he could and Hotch could see that.

He had also included with the file some information about Emily that had puzzled Hotch, like how she ended up in Chicago after Ian Doyle was arrested. In her FBI file it looked like a demotion but there was no note of censure, no request for the post. She was just dumped there for the next couple of years seemingly without reason or explanation.

Sean had brought her back to the States, suffering from severe PTSD and Hotch understood now, that what he was seeing now was not a new trauma but a reemergence of the first and that in itself actually made more sense. Emily Prentiss was one of the strongest and most capable women he knew but the resulting issue had always been there, just below the surface and this just seemed to push it back to the top.

From his own experiences and the time he spent working with Marcus, he knew that you never really got over PTSD and the more severe the case the harder it came back to bite you when it finally did and it had a hold of Emily.

Hotch realized at that point that even if he loved her and would have given anything to help her, protect her, this wasn't something he could do on his own. She was going to need help that he couldn't provide and while he could support and understand her, it was too complex a problem for him to be of any use to her, in the end. And if that wasn't the hardest thing he ever had to admit.

After they arrived back in the states, Sean had Interpol contact a doctor with a high enough level of security for her to see, who happened to be located in Chicago.

Sean had taken a leave of absense from Interpol and for the next year he had stayed with her and helped her to get well, shielding her treatment from everyone to ensure that it wouldn't affect her career with the FBI, at the end she 'officially' resigned her post with Interpol and integrated back into the mainstream FBI choosing to remain at the Chicago field office after Sean returned to Scotland Yard. She bounced around from post to post in the mid-west but remained primarily a desk agent till she moved to the BAU.

He looked back at his briefcase and decided that if she had come back without problems he would have considered adding her to a list of potential un-subs. She was so damn young and up to that point, relatively innocent of the things that go on in the world.

It was one of the things that Hotch remembered about his one and only meeting with her while working with her mother's staff. There was a childlike innocence and enthusiasm to her that surprised him given that she was almost 18 at the time. And it was what he remembered about her all those years later when she walked into his office at Quantico, it was the reason he remembered her at all.

He sat down on the bench not far from the car and scrubbed his hand across his mouth. He tried his best to compartmentalize what he was feeling but found that he couldn't. His own coping mechanisms were stretched and with accepting his feelings for Emily, he couldn't find the control that he always relied on.

Suggesting she see her own Doctor was out of the question, having passed away several years ago. Perhaps he should broach the idea of her talking with Marcus, being the Unit Cheif for Counter-terrorism, his clearance would be even easier to achieve than his own. She might be willing to talk with him if she knew that this was someone that had helped him. Marcus had experience in 'phone treatment' for lack of a better phrase and in remembering the man's quiet manner at the end of their last conversation; he knew that his old friend would protect Emily's privacy just as fiercely as he had Hotch's. Aaron also knew he should be thinking about talking with the man again for his own problems that were starting to creep back up.

Sitting there, he felt uncontrollable anger building inside of him. She had no business being in undercover work but there was such a drive to catch Doyle that they didn't care about the damage they were going to inflict on her. He had seen it happen so many times in his career with the FBI and at Justice before that. But this time it was personal, it was Emily that was suffering for the mistakes of others.

The psychological profile conducted by the doctor in Chicago even went so far as to say the opposite. She didn't have the right psychological profile for undercover work to begin with; in fact she showed several markers that the FBI would have flagged to keep her out of that line of work entirely. Over the years the BAU had set up a profile test for the screening of undercover agents that was used across the country.

Deep cover agents, like her assignment, were rigorously tested before being put in that position and Emily Prentiss would have failed miserably. Remarkably it was something that she had in common with none other than David Rossi, he helped to write the test just before he retired and they had all laughed, Dave included, when he failed it dismally, scoring on the lowest end of the scale. In fact out of all the members of the BAU, Derek Morgan was the only one qualified for deep cover. It was also the reason he specialized in obsessional crimes. Derek could focus entirely on the end result and ignore everything else around him, giving him a unique understanding into the mind set. The rest of the members of the unit scored on the low end of the scale, himself included, and would never have been selected for the type of assignment that Emily found herself thrust into.

She wasn't able to shut off her moral compass long enough to do the job for the length of time necessary for deep cover work. It wasn't a failing in her but just the way that she was and it was something about her that the team had always relied on. He could remember more than once, her questioning the ethics of the things they were doing or questioning why people ended up the way that they did. McHale in L.A. was a perfect example. It made her an excellent profiler but crap for undercover work. She couldn't accept what she was seeing and move on, focusing only on the end result, she needed to understand and that was her downfall in the end.

Hotch leaned forward and put his head between his knees, breathing deeply through his nose and trying to calm his breathing, trying to get his anger back under control. This was not what she would need from him now. His own rage and impulsiveness would only be a detriment to her and in the end to himself. He leaned back and walked through one of the centering exercises that Marcus had taught him, feeling the cold biting into his skin till he was sure he was back in control of himself again.

Opening his eyes a picture of young Emily flashed through his mind and he stood with a determination he hadn't felt since opening that file. Hotch got back into Emily's car and sped out of the parking lot, spraying gravel in his wake. He needed to get back to her and see what he could do to help her find some of that innocence, that youthful enjoyment again. But if nothing else, he was going to make sure that she knew, without a doubt, that she didn't have to do this alone anymore.

* * *

Emily looked over at the clock for the tenth time in ten minutes before glancing back at her Glock sitting on the table in front of her. He should have been back by now. Granted that was only if she believed that nothing had gone wrong before he left the office. None of them ever got out of there when they were intending to, but he would have called her, wouldn't he?

She had been doing okay for most of the afternoon. Emily managed to only check the deadbolt and alarm three times, which she considered a breakthrough of sorts. The hardest part for her was the bi-polar behavior of her emotions. She would go from being terrified that Doyle was coming, to being excited as a girl on her first date when she thought about Hotch, to feeling panicky that something had happened to him.

Those feelings had abated some since talking to Sean earlier. Interpol had managed to track Doyle to a small Middle Eastern country, unfortunately for all of them, it was a country that was decidedly anti-Interpol. He seemed to be hunkering down for a time and until he started to move again they were hamstrung and unable to do anything. But at least Emily was able to breathe a sigh of relief because as long as he was there, no one else would be hurt.

It was a small consolation since what she really wanted was to see him as dead as he wanted her to be but she understood the problems that Interpol was facing. So much of what they did, relied on the cooperation of its member countries, they couldn't afford to take the law into their own hands in a country that wasn't a member, especially since the political environment in the area was so shaky. It could set back the progress they had made in the area by decades if it was discovered.

So for now, she was back to waiting. But this time, Doyle wasn't hiding, knew that no one could touch him, and they could keep tabs on him. She could breathe until he started to move again.

She heard the key scrape in the lock and had to prevent herself from racing to the door, her emotions jack-knifing in another direction, yet again. It was completely illogical and she knew that, but a part of her that still lived in her fears, was afraid that he wouldn't come back. The other part of her rushing to the door was the woman who had found someone that she desire and cared about, finding and enjoying the first blush of what could easily turn into love.

For the first time in over a month giving no thought as to who might be on the other side she reached for the door handle. Emily pulled it open just as Hotch was coming in the other side. The words of greeting died on her lips from the look on his face.

His eyes were dark and intense, causing her to back up from him, not in fear but in trepidation. Something had changed with him since he left that afternoon. He looked intent on something. When the door first opened he looked determined but after a few seconds the look changed into something else, something she didn't recognize but sent shivers down her spine.

Hotch reached out and touched the skin of her face so gently that she barely felt the ghosting of his fingers, before turning and heading for the living room. She closed the door and locks before following him into the living room where he set his briefcase down on the table. He snapped it open and pulled out a thick file, tossing it on the low table in front of him. He turned to her and her eyes widened as she realized what it was.

She looked from the file to his eyes and now understood what had kept him so long. He now knew all of her secrets, her weakness, and her failings. She felt shame fill her face and looked down at the floor. This had happened much faster than she expected, she had thought she would have more time with him before he found out how incapable she had been, how ineffective.

"Emily… Look at me." His voice was so soft, emotional, that her head snapped up at the sound and she was shocked by the anger she saw there. It was in such contrast to the gentle sound of his voice.

"None of this is your fault. You never, ever, should have been put in that position to begin with."

"I couldn't handle it Hotch." She blinked back the moisture in her eyes. She didn't want his pity. She had worked so hard to make him proud over the years, had tried so hard to be the perfect agent so he would let her stay. Stay with her family. All of the insecurities she had in the beginning of her time with the BAU were working their way back to the surface and she couldn't stop it. Just the sight of that file was enough to send her tumbling backwards through all of the progress she had made.

Aaron let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. He understood logically how she was feeling but to see her like this, so tentative and so afraid of his judgment of her, that it was slowly eating away at his soul. Long ago she had been assured of her place with the team, her place with him. It seemed like once her troubles started to surface, the flood gate opened on all of them.

"They put you in an untenable situation and you came through the other side in one piece and since then have become one of the strongest, most capable _people_ I know. You can't be faulted for this. They made a choice to send someone into a long term undercover assignment, knowing that you didn't fit the psychological profile for that type of work. The fault is theirs. Not yours."

"How can you say…?"

"No. Listen to me because I'm only going to say this once." She opened her mouth to say something and Hotch cut her off before she had a chance. "You, Emily Prentiss are an exceptional agent and one of the most skilled profilers I have ever had the honor to work with. But the same things that give you those skills; makes you _that good_, are the very things that make you so unsuited for undercover work. You can't be both sweetheart and no one expects you to be."

"They expected it."

"No. They just didn't care. They knew better and they made the choice anyway."

"Hotch, in the end it doesn't matter who made what choice or whose fault it was. I accepted the assignment, I could have said no. And because of that he's going to come for me sooner or later."

"Emily there has been no indication he's coming here. You can't know that for certain and in either case he's not here now."

"But he will be one day. They couldn't have gotten him without the things that I found. He's not going to brush it off and let me go. He's has to have realized by now who I was and that I gave them the information they needed to put him away. He is coming."

"Emily, he's in Qatar, Sean included what information he could about how they are tracking him. We'll know the minute he's on the move."

"I know that but…"

"Emily, you can't live the rest of your life waiting, living in fear of what might happen. You can't keep pushing people away out of fear; _YOU_ were the one that showed _me_ that. You have to keep living; we all do, regardless of what he has planned. We'll deal with him when the time comes."

She met his eyes for a moment before looking away and he could see it happening. She was pulling away again. He wasn't going to let that happen. She couldn't keep going on like this. He couldn't keep going on like this. And with that thought Aaron Hotchner did something that he never did, he threw logic completely out the window and followed his instincts for once in his life.

The look of fear of hopelessness in her eyes raised every primal instinct he had. Every emotion that he had been trying to repress came to the surface, including the newest one, his very real fear for her, that someone would take her from him before they even had a chance. Regardless of what he said to her, he knew she was right.

He turned away from her and put his hands on his hips trying to control the possessive anger that was coursing through his blood and then decided to hell with it. Aaron spun around and stalked over to her, scooping her up into his arms. Lifting her clear off the ground, he slammed his lips into hers.

She gasped in surprised shock and he took the opportunity to drive his tongue into her mouth, show her what he was feeling, keeping her still, possessing her. He wanted to taste, explore, examine and savor every bit of her. Seize and keep her with him always, safe. Ever since he opened that file he had been experiencing a totally visceral reaction to her and every impulse he had been attempting to control came to the forefront. Need, desire, desperate longing, possessiveness, love and he decided he was not going to not over think something, for once in his life, and do what his emotions were demanding.

He felt it, the moment that she surrendered, returning his kiss, and he moaned low in his throat. Emily's slender arms snaked around his neck, her fingers lacing through his short hair, holding him to her. Aaron smiled against her lips, allowing her body to slide down the full length of his own. A feeling of primitive pride filled him when he heard the soft, breathy moan at the sensation.

He pulled back from her just enough to reach up to gently cup her face. "He won't touch you. I won't let him have you." There was such intensity in his face and voice that she gasped a little for breath.

"Hotch…" Emily was at a loss as to how to deal with this new side to a man that she thought she knew.

Aaron Hotchner was always in control but right now, at this moment, control was nowhere in sight. Emily could feel herself grow wet at the dark passion in his eyes. He was so focused at that moment and to have that focus on her pushed all other thoughts out of her mind and sent tremors of a new kind racing through her body.

"No. You're mine Emily. He won't have you." His words where harsh and possessive but the underlying tenderness in his eyes softened any resistance she might have had.

And then he was kissing her again, he nibbled softly on her lower lip, begging for admittance. Once granted he slipped his tongue inside and traced the line of her teeth before finally tangling with her own. Gently he pulled her back into his arms, one sliding around her waist and the other cupping the back of her head, firmly holding her to him, allowing her no room to move or pull away. Aaron gently suckled on her tongue and was gratified by accelerated sound of her breathing as her excitement grew.

He knew this was too soon, he had decided that they were nowhere near ready for this step but he couldn't seem to stop. He should back off but he needed to reaffirm the reality of her in the most basic way he knew how.

It was powerful, primitive and driving through his blood so hard that it caused him to shiver with uncontrollable longing. He released her lips and slid his face to the side, rubbing his cheek against hers, worshiping her skin in every way that he could find. His hands roamed over her form restlessly, mapping the shape of her body with his hands alone.

"I need you," his voice was harsh and filled with hunger, "I know we aren't ready for this but…" He didn't know how to articulate to her what it was he need or why, he just hoped that she was as in tune with him as normal and would understand without the words his almost desperate longing.

Emily pulled back from him, just far enough that she could see him clearly. With shaking fingers she reached up and traced the lines of his face, watching as he closed his eyes and leaned into her gentle caress.

"Make love to me, Hotch… Please." Her voice was soft but clear.

And she understood.

He let out a loud groan and captured her lips again. His hands slid down her back and cupped her ass, lifting her off the ground. She followed his lead, wrapping her legs around his waist while simultaneously attempting to push his jacket off his shoulders. There was a frantic desperation in her movements that had him concerned for a moment.

He pulled his lips away from her delectable mouth to look into her eyes. What he saw there put his mind at ease. They gaze was focused and clear, she knew exactly what she was doing and unlike her movements there was no anxiety. He shook his jacket off, one arm at a time, keeping her tight to him as he headed for the stairs.

Emily bit down on his lower lip and Aaron stumbled sideways into the wall, her nails scrapped along his scalp making his toes curl. Her delicate hands reached between them and started to slip the ends of his tie apart but without enough room she had to relinquish his lips. Pulling back, her head slammed into the wall as his lips attacked the line of her neck sucking and nibbling on the pale skin.

Emily closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of his hot, moist breath trailing across her fevered skin. She gave up all pretense of getting his tie off and allowed her fingers to travel back into his hair, clutching him tightly to the V-neck of her shirt. She let out a series of panted breaths caused by the fire that was raging through her veins.

Frustrated with her inability to feel his skin, she pulled his head back by the grip she had on his hair and resumed her attack on his tie, finally pulling it loose she dropped it to the floor behind him as his lips once again found hers.

Aaron, keeping her pinned between his body and the wall, allowed her to slide down till her feet touched the floor. He reached down and grasped the edges of her shirt as she quickly made work of the buttons on the front of his. He tugged on her shirt until she finally had to stop what she was doing so that he could remove it. Emily lifted her arms and allowed him to pull the garment the rest of the way off, watching as he carelessly allowed it to drop to the floor.

His fingers came forward and with just the tips softly caressed the skin where it met the lace of her bra, his gaze seeming to be enraptured with what he was seeing. Eyes transfixed on the pale gray material cupping her even paler skin. Emily reached a hand up behind her and unhooked the closure, twisting her shoulders, she allowed it to slip down and pool at their feet. She leaned back against the wall, willing her nerves to still and allowed him to look his fill of her body that was on display for him.

Hotch, filled with the view of all of her naked skin, leaned forward to place a soft open mouthed kiss to her collar bone and once he had a taste of her skin, found that he couldn't stop. His lips moved from her shoulders, up her neck, any skin that he could reach. His hands trailed along her side, gently caressing her skin and tracing her form, trying his best to commit her to his memory.

Aaron knelt down in front of her, pressing a soft lingering kiss to the crest of one breast on his way past before continuing his worship of her skin while relieving her of her pants. Her stomach, hipbones, there was not an inch of skin that he didn't touch, lick, suck or kiss. He gently dragged his hands down the back of her thighs, trailing along her calves down to her feet before gently lifting each to pull her pant legs off before pushing her pants to the side. His warm, strong hands made the same return path, causing goose bumps to break out on her skin.

By the time he finally looked back up at her she was trembling. There had never been, even once in her life, a man that had spent as much time just touching her. He had seemed in no hurry to move forward, content to use his tactile senses to get to know her.

His hands cupped her hips, thumbs tracing the line of her hip bones as he spoke in a tone that she had never hear from him before, "You are so very beautiful Emily."

There was such a look of naked longing in his face it brought tears to her eyes. She would give him anything just to keep that look of passion and need in his eyes. It seemed to chase all of the darkness away from him.

He was the one that was beautiful and Emily gasped at the picture he made. Kneeling at her feet, with his shirt still tucked in but undone, slipping slowly down his arms; his hair wonderfully disheveled by her own fingers. There was a desire in his eyes that she had never seen directed at her before, by any man. She reached down and cupped his strong jaw in her palms, pulling his lips back to her own, whimpering softly as he began backing her up the stairs to her bedroom.

As they crossed the threshold, he finally released her lips long enough to shed his shirt, dropping it to the floor. Emily felt tears filling her vision as she reached out a tentative hand and traced one of the more vibrant and shocking scars on his abdomen.

He caught her hand in his own, trying to stop her gentle touch but she shook off his light hold on her. "Emily…" There was sadness in his voice that she hadn't expected.

She moved a step forward, flattening her palm on his scar and willing him to see what she felt in her eyes. "How you are feeling right now, about me?" Her voice was soft and intimate and spoke of knowledge that he wished she didn't have, "I understand with perfect clarity."

He gaped in understanding of her statement, realizing for the first time how long this had been building between them. She understood his desperation, he need for her to be his alone, to know she was safe and protected, here with him. He had always suspected that the feeling was something that he alone had felt. He felt a rush of warmth at her admission before being touched by sadness, they could have had this so much sooner, if only he had realized.

Her gaze softened in understanding, "I tried to tell you, you were never alone. You only ever had to reach out."

And he did.

Aaron reached out and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms securely around her and dropping his head to her neck, breathing in her scent smiling softly as she tugged at his belt. He traced the shell of her ear with his tongue before gently nipping on the lobe. Her hands stilled all movement and she let out a desperate sigh. Pulling back he cupped her face and carefully, softly, dragged his open lips across her eyelids, cheekbones, the arch of her nose, along the delicate line of her jaw, before finally claiming her lips again.

Emily tried her best to still her thoughts and enjoy each press of his lips, each slide of his thumbs against her skin. She knew he needed this, she had felt the same impulses for weeks after Foyet's attack, the same burning need, to simply reaffirm his presence. But the desire flowing through her body was making it next to impossible. She wanted to see everything, touch him everywhere.

Toeing off his shoes he allowed his pants to slide down his legs before pushing his boxers down with them. He carefully stepped out of the pile of clothes before pulling Emily into his arms again. He stood still and allowed her to make the same journey of his skin that he had done to her.

Emily pressed soft kisses to his chest as her hands traced the sharp lines of his back, allowing her fingers to catalogue each nob of his spine. She flicked out her tongue to tease his skin before gently biting down on one male nipple and grinned at the guttural moan that escaped his throat at the feeling. One hand reached up, tangling in her hair, holding her to him so she repeated the movement before tracing her way across his chest to the other side, only to repeat the action again.

Hotch couldn't stand the gentle torture any longer and started to move them back towards the wide bed against the wall. He pushed her back onto the bed, following her down, his hand holding the back of her head, keeping her lips close to his own, breathing in every breath she released, his eyes intent, and staring deeply into her own.

Emily laid back and felt the cool sheets under her back in direct contrast to the heat of the man above her. She could feel the change between them, regardless of how this started it was changing into something else entirely and it scared her slightly. Every movement felt more controlled, more intimate. He was trying to tell her something with his touch but she couldn't figure out what. He rolled them till he was laying on his side next to her leaning up on one elbow and looking down at her.

Hotch trailed the tips of his fingers along the skin of her arm, before gripping her hand and leading it to his chest, willing her to touch him, as he was touching her. Praying she was feeling what he was feeling, in that moment. Her eyes lifted to his own and he could see it, love, shining in their depths, before she returned to the previous task of mapping his skin with her fingertips.

"I was right before." Emily only half heard him speak. She was distracted by the feel of his skin under her hand. She traced the lines of his shoulders, down his chest, mesmerized. With each new patch of skin that she touched she felt an answering heat that was pushing out the cold that had enveloped her like a cloak, these long weeks.

"You were right about what?" She whispered against his skin as her lips traced his sternum.

Aaron's breathe hitched as he spoke, causing her to look up into his heated gaze. "You are so remarkably beautiful."

She blushed slightly at the compliment and tried to look down; Aaron placed a finger under her chin and brought her lips back up to his own.

His hand trailed down her back till it caught on the edge of her panties, pushing them gently off her hips, she assisted him by twisting her legs and kicking them off the side of the bed. Aaron rolled her onto her back and settled between her legs, keeping his fingers tangled in her hair and his lips affixed to her own.

He pulled back from her lips and the heat in his look caused her to gasp in a sudden breath, pushing her breasts up into his chest. With a mischievous smirk he slipped further down her body and began to trail kisses along the crest of her breast, smiling against her skin at her shuttered breaths.

Aaron dipped his head lower and encased a hardened nipple in his mouth, flicking the tip gently with his tongue. When she seemed to relax into the sensation he grinned before sucking hard, causing her back to arch and a sharp cry of pleasure to leave her lips. His hands slid up her back and cupped her shoulders, helping her to stay in position as he alternated his attention from one peak to the other, gratified by her senseless babbling.

Emily was losing her mind.

Nope, it was completely gone.

She fisted one hand in the pillow case next to her head, the other dropping to the back of his, holding him to her. She restlessly slid her feet alone the sides of his legs in an unconscious expression of need. When she finally couldn't take it anymore, she cupped the back of his neck and coaxed him back up to her lips.

As Aaron settle more comfortably between her splayed thighs, he reached down and pulled one slender leg up over his hip, rocking gently against her, allowing his length to slip along her wet folds, gently caressing her to a fevered pitch.

Emily pulled back from his seductive mouth and gasped for breath. "Hotch… Please…"

He tipped his head forward and breathed into her ear, "Aaron."

"What?"

He pulled back enough to clearly see her face. "Aaron. Here, like this. I'm Aaron."

She reached up and traced the normally sever lines of his face. "Aaron."

His eyes flickered closed at the sound his name leaving her lips. It brought a pleasure to him that he hadn't expected and increased the level of intimacy between them passed where it already was.

Aaron reached between their bodies and slid his fingers along her lips, dipping inside to find her clit; he caressed it gently, causing her to gasp out his name again. She was so warm, so very wet. And so unbelievably responsive, he could have spent hours watching the multitude of expressions that crossed her face in her pleasure, but the need inside of him was growing too strong, he had to have her now, unable to wait any longer.

He took himself in hand and lined himself up with her, slipping just the tip inside of her before stilling, refusing to move until her eyes connected with his own again. Emily looked back at Aaron's eyes and in that moment a thousand thoughts and feelings were communicated between them.

Emily's eyes flittered closed and felt his puffed breath on her face as he spoke. "No Emily. Keep looking at me." Using sheer force of will she opened her eyes, locking gazes with his own as she felt him slid inside of her, stretching her, completing her.

She threw back her head and released a moan from deep in her chest, lifting her other leg to wrap around his waist allowing him to slide the rest of the way inside of her. She couldn't remember a feeling so perfect. She felt his fingers slide into her hair, cupping her head and she looked up into his intense face, watching the emotions flitting through his eyes as he finally began to move.

They rocked gently together, refusing to speed up, refusing to lose eye contact, attempting to tell each other everything that they were expressing with their bodies and eyes alone. This was more than sex, more than an affirmation of life, it was the beginning and it was for keeps.

Hands slid along skin, tracing the movements of muscle and sinew. Aaron's head dropped forward to rest on her shoulder as he began to move faster. Emily stroked the line of his spine feeling the sweat pool on his skin and glorying in the feel of him, over her, surrounding her, loving her.

His hand glided down her side to clutch the back the back of her thigh and pulled her leg up higher around his waist. She followed its path with her own, lacing her fingers through his. Her arm came back up and wrapped around his neck as her back arched off the bed when he stroked that spot inside her that made her see white, gasping his name repeatedly on a chanted breath.

Aaron knew he wasn't going to last much longer, she felt too good and it had been too long. Her breathy sounds were causing his desire to reach a fevered pitch. He let go of her leg and slipped his hand back between their bodies, finding her clit and rubbing it firmly, hoping and praying to help her find the edge before he couldn't hold on any longer and finally lost control completely.

He moved his hips frantically against hers, causing their bodies to slide up the bed. Aaron braced his weight on one forearm so that he could look down at Emily and read on her expressive face what he was doing to her.

Emily's neck arched hard and she clutched reflexively at his back, crying out his name as she fell over the edge, every muscle in her body vibrating with the release of pleasure.

Panting harshly she sucked in deep breaths trying to find enough air. Coming back to herself she felt Aaron moving desperately against her but still holding himself back.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her lips, whispering in his ear. "Please Aaron, need you. Need this, cum inside of me. Please…."

Hotch's back bowed hard as he cried out softly in her ear, driving deeply into her one final time before giving into his release. After several long seconds the tension left his limbs and he collapsed on her, allowing his weight to rest on her softer form.

Emily held him tight to her as his breathing calmed, running a hand soothingly down his back, allowing him to get control over his ragged breathing.

Hotch rolled them to the side so they lay facing each other with one of her legs draped over his hip.

He traced his fingers down the side of her face and his voice was husky when he finally spoke, "You're extraordinary."

She smiled softly at the glazed look in his eyes. "I think we're extraordinary, together."

He tugged her closer till there was almost no space between the two of them. "We'll just stay here like this, the three of us. You, me and Jack. Safe and tucked away in your apartment together."

"That's a fanciful idea, coming from you." She laughed softly at the uncharacteristic comment coming from a man she had once seen as coolly controlled.

"I know." He pressed his lips to hers before resting his forehead against her own and looking deep into her eyes. "No matter what happens, I'll be here. You don't have to be alone anymore."

Emily smiled softly and for the first time she felt like perhaps, just perhaps she would make it out of the other side of this in one piece. He was remarkable; she could trust him to let her be strong and take care of herself and would offer his arm as a crutch when she needed it.

But she knew it was going to get worse before it got better, because Ian Doyle was still coming for her.

She lay on her side and gazed at the serious face that was mere inches from her own and thought back over what he had said. What it would be like to stay here, cloistered inside of these walls, safe, loved.

She looked deep into his eyes and saw the same desire mirrored in his own. "We can't stay here forever, but maybe, just maybe we can stay, for a little while at least."

* * *

_Author's Note: Qatar is a member of Interpol although in this story I have them as not being a member country. It was necessary for the storyline but after quite a bit of looking I couldn't find a non-member country that was located where there was serious political upheaval, so creative license was used for this part. The only countries not members are small islands around Austrailia. For anyone curious, Interpol lists its member countries on its website and they total 188. _

_**TBC in Chapter Seven - First Day In A New World**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter Seven**_

_**First Day In A New World**_

_**

* * *

**_

Aaron's eyes flickered open and looked up at the unfamiliar ceiling above him. It took him a solid minute to figure out why it was off-white stucco instead of light grey tile. Obviously, he hadn't been getting enough sleep either.

As he lay there he catalogued his surroundings and came to the startling conclusion that the last twelve hours hadn't been a dream or a figment of his imagination. He honestly never expected to find himself here, under any circumstances. Or to be feeling the way that he was feeling. There was a certain peace and serenity in his soul that he hadn't felt in well over a year. Like finally, all of the slotted pieces that made up who he was were finally clicking back together the way they were supposed to, and it was all because of Emily Prentiss.

He could hear the breathing of the woman next to him; feel her soft hand resting on his shoulder, and the foot that was tangled between his own. For a moment, he felt a silly grin cross his face before he rolled over onto his side and looked at Emily, sleeping peacefully for the first time in the two days he had been with her at her apartment.

She really was remarkable. There was such a contradiction in her. She was so strong but at the same time there was a vulnerability to her that tugged at his heart. Every time he thought he had pinned her down she did something he didn't expect and his feelings grew a little deeper. He tipped his head down and peaked at her sleeping face, reaching a sole finger up he brushed the fringe of hair off of her forehead and felt warmth spread across his chest that surprised him.

Although, given their discussion of last night it shouldn't have been that shocking to him. She helped him to find a peace with himself that he didn't think he would ever find again, and all it took was her understanding. His eyes glazed over as he thought back to the night before.

* * *

_Aaron trailed his fingers lightly along the arm that was draped across his chest, fingers of his other hand playing in her dark hair, weaving and twisting the lengths, enjoying their soft weight in his grip. Emily lay on her stomach beside him, half wrapped around his body, her face tucked into the side of his neck. She snuggled her face into his skin and subtly wiggled her body closer, slipping a leg in between his so that she was practically lying on his chest._

_He turned his head and buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the soothing scent of her, enjoying the freedom to do so. For a moment he thought back to the feeling he had, when he first thought that she might have been raped and felt his throat constrict at the memory, much like it did then._

"_You don't know what I thought, what went through my mind since this all started." His voice was soft and gentle but there was desolation in it that he couldn't hide from her, and for once in his life, Aaron didn't both to try. Emily didn't need to be protect from his emotions, she was strong enough to handle anything he was feeling._

"_I'm so sorry Hotch; I never wanted to hurt any of you… especially you." And with those words she told him how important he had become to her._

_He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead and murmured against her skin, "I know you didn't sweetheart."_

_Emily lifted herself till she was lying on her stomach next to him, resting on her elbows, her chin braced by her palms, as she contemplated the man next to her. She could see something…_

"_But that big brain of yours is thinking about something in particular isn't it?"_

"_Is it that obvious?" There was a mixture of discomfort and embarrassment in his voice at being so transparent with the things he didn't want her to see. Didn't want her to see where his thoughts where going, not certain if he was ready to share so much with her._

"_Perhaps only to another profiler or… perhaps only to me."_

_Hotch reached over and pulled on one of her arms across him, until she was forced to straddle his hips in an effort to save the limb. He was trying to distract her but he could tell by the pensive look on her face that it wasn't going to work. _

_He tried to cover the look on this face but for the first time in years he felt too open, too exposed and couldn't manage to mask what he was feeling. "I don't want to think about it right now. I'm just glad it wasn't any of the things that I thought about."_

_Emily looked into his eyes and her own widened slightly as she recognized the desperateness and fear that she never thought to see in his eyes ever again, not since that one time when he was too drugged up to cover his emotions. She lifted herself up till she was sitting upright and tipped her head in thought, looking deep into his eyes, trying to puzzle him out. _

_She lowered her gaze and her eyes landed on the scar that was just below his collar bone. Reaching out a tentative hand she place the tips of her fingers on the mark, her mind going a mile a minute she looked between his eyes and the scar before her eyes shot back to his, gasping harshly as she put the pieces together._

"_You were conscious." It wasn't a question but a simple statement of fact, but under that was a hurt that he wished he could have prevented._

_Hotch nodded his head and looked away from her penetrating gaze._

"_You were conscious for everything?"_

_Again, Hotch only nodded finding himself unable to speak._

"_You told me you weren't. You deliberately lied to me."_

_Hotch never said anything, never looked back at her, not wanting to see any of the things he feared in her eyes, the anger at his lie, the pity for the experience. Or the sadness that seemed to accompany the memories of that time._

_Emily looked back at his chest, to the wounds that had healed but still left scars in their wake, both physical and emotional and she got it. _

_He was their leader, the strongest, the one that always held it together, even when the rest of them lost it completely. To have that serious of a lack of control must have been devastating to his alpha male personality. She understood why he didn't want any of them to know, how hard it must be for him to know that she could see it in him, that he could do nothing but accept her judgment. _

_Tears filled her eyes and she quickly blinked them away, not wanting him to see them and misinterpret them as pity. It wasn't pity by any stretch, but sadness at him having to live through the experience with no support at all. And in that moment she was even more grateful for his presence in her life, for the support he was offering her, but perhaps it was support they could offer each other. It was more than obvious that he still had his own issues too; she wasn't completely blind to the changes in him since this started._

_She lifted her hand and cupped his chin, forcing his eyes back to her own._

_Aaron looked up at her and all he saw was soft acceptance in her gaze. "I understand."_

_With that sentiment, she lay herself down on his chest and allowed him to wrap his arms around her. At first he reached tentatively around her, gently cupping her shoulders. When all she did was snuggle deeper into his chest, he slid his hands down till he had his arms completely wrapped around her, till he was clutching her to his chest, breathing in deeply, surrounded by her softness. With her acceptance, her understanding, he felt the urge to cry, too feel. He tried __**so hard**__ to repress the memories and the feelings that accompanied them._

_Hotch's voice was husky with suppressed tears. "How did you know? Dave didn't…" he swallowed hard at the memory of that conversation, "I had to explain it to him."_

_Emily leaned up to look at him, and he could see the surprise in her eyes. "You told Dave about it?"_

_He cleared his throat and moved up on the pillows so that he was reclined back and could see her a little more clearly._

"_Back in Tulsa, after I figured out what I was seeing in you, it was the only thought in my head and I couldn't shake it loose. I needed to talk to someone about it, even if it was only to convince myself I was wrong."_

_Emily finally allowed the tears to come; she couldn't believe that he cared enough to share something that guarded, that personal, because of her. The tear finally broke loose of her lash and Aaron reached up a hand and soothingly brushed it away._

_She blinked repeatedly, trying to get the emotion under control and back to answering his question, at least as best as she could. _

"_You asked how I could know…" she shrugged negligently, "I'm a woman Aaron. Whether you think about it consciously or not, it's a thought you have, knowing one day it could happen, that the possibility is there. Women are conditioned from childhood to be afraid, wary of predators. For me, it's not the much of a leap. That look that you have sometimes, I've seen before, it's a sorrow that I understand and relate to. I can't believe that I didn't connect it sooner. It's why I asked what you remembered in the hospital."_

_Aaron nodded his head again, falling silent. He thought for the first time that someone might understand, besides Marcus, and this honestly had never occurred to him._

"_It was hard to explain. It never happened, he never… but the feeling was still there. The rage, the total lack of control, the… vulnerability and up till that point I had never really felt anything like it. It wasn't something I could push down or ignore."_

"_We never saw it. I'm sorry." Her voice sounded so sad._

"_I didn't want you to and at first I was okay, but then things started to fall apart. As long as I was busy it was okay and I could pretend it never happened but at night, alone in my apartment, it almost suffocated me. Always afraid he would come back. We never did figure out how he got in."_

_Aaron looked away from her and breathed deeply through his nose, trying his best to keep composure. After everything he had learned about her, everything she shared, he owed it to her to get through this._

"_He talked... The entire time, he never shut up. He wanted to plant the idea in my head to make sure that in the end I didn't forget."_

"_Piquerism isn't quite the same but then, feelings don't know that. And you couldn't control it." Her voice was soft with a sad kind of acceptance but none of the other things that Aaron had expected to hear._

"_Exactly, I pushed it away and refused to deal with it, didn't want anyone to try and make me feel better, or pretend to understand. It never occurred to me that you might be able to, in any fashion. You have to understand, you are a member of the team and I have to try not to think of you as a woman but as an Agent. It makes it easier to do the job that we do, to put you in danger time and again."_

"_You could have told me, even if I couldn't understand I would have done everything possible to help." Emily didn't sound upset, just sad that she couldn't help her friend._

"_I know that now." Hotch looked away from her until she spoke again and still the same calm acceptance was in her gaze. The discomfort that he had felt talking to Dave and even Marcus wasn't there now and it shocked it to the core._

_He was lying in bed with a beautiful woman, naked and all of his scars were on display, their harshness highlighted by the low lamp light and he felt nothing but peace._

"_Why didn't you talk to someone, even if it wasn't one of us, someone else?" _

"_I did, eventually, after Haley's funeral, before that I could keep it locked down most of the time, I had something else to focus on, obsessively so. I have a friend that lives in New York, a trauma specialist. It helped, but still…" Hotch shrugged a shoulder carelessly, silently admitting that he still had some difficulties. "The fear and hyper-vigilance is gone but sometimes the memories catch me unawares when I'm tired or stressed and I'll find myself doing things like checking my gun, or waking up to check the locks on the door, the alarm. Little things like that."_

_Emily nodded her head and they shared an understanding look. "It's all psychological for me. Ian never hurt me in anyway; in fact he always went out of his way to be passive and quite gentle with me. The doctor that I saw said that emotionally I was too young and underdeveloped; I had been too cloistered by my parents, to have the tools to deal with the dichotomy that I faced. That someone who seemed so tender was capable of such unbelievable violence." _

_She heaved a deep sigh and went back to tracing patterns on his chest with the tips of her fingers. She didn't want to look into his eyes as he evaluated her, and she knew Hotch, he wouldn't be able to help doing it. It was just the way that he was._

_He had been quiet for so long that her head shot up when he started to speak. "After having read the file… You knew who he was, what he was capable of doing. You are so strong, so resilient. You could have run but you stayed in that house; you completed your assignment and came out the other side whole enough to eventually grow into the woman that you are now. You amaze me."_

_Now it was Aaron's turn to feel uncomfortable. _

_How could a woman that was so smart, compassionate and so unbelievable strong want a man like him. He was bitter, secretive, and damaged. He had shared more with her in the last hour than he had with __**any**__ person before and he feared that it was the low lights and the intimate surroundings that were encouraging this new bout of honesty. That it would disappear in the daylight and he would shut her out again, just like he always had, with everyone that he knew._

_He knew he still had issues that he hadn't dealt with and until now it never really mattered much, but with Emily… He swallowed several times trying to find a way to voice what was in his head, what it was that he feared. She had responded to him that night, wonderfully so, but at the same time there was a niggling doubt pressing into the back of his mind, now that she knew…_

_His eyes met hers before shooting away again. "You don't think…" She gripped his face tightly and pulled it back to face her own. _

_When he met her eyes he was startled that her eyes were almost angry at what she saw in him and he tried to pull away from the emotional blow that he could feel coming but she wouldn't allow it, her grip held him tighter as she focused solely on him._

"_Don't even finish that thought Aaron. I would never think less of you; I would never desire you less. Not ever." Emily realized that it was her turn to try and make him see what she saw, as he had done with her before, as he had been doing since coming back that evening. _

"_Nothing that man ever did would change that. You are strong, powerful, and so very intelligent. You are attractive, charismatic, and unbelievably desirable. You are by far one of the most compassionate people I know, even though you try to hide it. I thought so before Foyet came into our lives and I'll still believe so years from now."_

_At his doubtful look she let go of his face and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him up so that he was sitting up and she could hold him, could tell him about the man she had seen over her years with him._

"_You stayed at the hospital with Mrs. Cutler to so that she wouldn't be alone when she died, then, regardless of how hard it was you went back to try and help Abby's son find some kind of closure. Neither of those things were a requirement of the job, you did them because it was the right thing to do." She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair._

"_You did the same thing later with Megan Kane, you saw who she was, not what she had done and held her hand while she died, likely offering her the only peace she had felt in years, and again tried to offer the same comfort to her mother," she poked him in the chest, "my job now… by the way," causing Aaron to smile._

"_You sat in the back of the truck on the way to the hospital with JJ rather than driving, which I know you would have been itching to do. You don't often let any of us drive anywhere." Emily smirked at him, over his alpha male tendencies. "You held her hand and talked softly with her, helping to keep her calm, you stayed with her till Will arrived, when PG or I could have just as easily."_

"_Without thought, you pulled the whole team off of stand down when Derek was in trouble. You didn't know how he was or if there was anything we could do for him but you did it because he needed us there, needed his family, whether he knew it or not."_

"_You love us, take care of us, and you do it without thought. You do things behind the scenes so we can be who we are and do what we do, and you do all of that without praise or arrogance or thanks and it's those things that make you who you are, not the scars on your chest."_

_His eyes filled with tears at her words and for the first time in longer than he wanted to remember, since long before Haley left him, he felt loved, that there was someone out there who knew him and understood him, who wanted to. And in that moment he vowed that he would never, ever let her go and that he would do everything in his power to be the man that she needed and deserved._

_He lifted his hands up to her face and traced her delicate features. He wanted to memorize everything that she was, commit her to his memory, then just as gently he pulled her lips to his own. As she responded to his advances, he flipped her over onto her back and settled himself between her thighs._

_

* * *

_

She looked markedly better than she had in the last month. The dark smudges under her eyes were starting to dissipate and she had gained a little color in her cheeks. The last two days had done wonders for her, just the sleep alone. She still needed to put the weight back on that she had lost and she would need more sleep but he felt hopeful.

She was still waking several times in the middle of the night in a panic but she was settling back down and falling asleep again, which, from what she had said, she hadn't been able to do since she found out Ian Doyle had escaped. And only once during the night had he caught her awake, checking the locks on the doors and windows. He smiled softly as he remembered the embarrassed flush the crossed her cheeks when he caught her playing with the dead bolts on the front door.

He trailed his fingers down her bare back, caressing her soft, smooth skin until he came to the small of her back where the dark cream colored sheet had pooled. He still couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that he was here, in bed, with her. A part of him kept expecting to wake up and discover that it was all a dream, that she was still pushing him away, refusing to let him in.

She mumbled softly in her sleep and started to shift around. Aaron rubbed his hand firmly along her spine, something he had discovered, soothed her when she became unsettle. Almost as if the presence of a caring hand was enough to remind her that she was safe, she would settle back to sleep.

In the morning they would have to return to work, their absence would be noticed if they were gone for longer than a day, even with Rossi protecting their privacy like a bull dog. Soon after that, he would have to return home and if he was honest with himself he was afraid of how she would cope, here, alone. She hadn't been doing that well before.

As soon as he realized that she was suffering from fear induced sleep deprivation, combined with her almost acute level of hyper-vigilance he had started to look into things that might help her to cope, things that wouldn't be included with normal treatment, more homeopathic. Aaron had been lucky enough that his sleep deprivation was mild, at least in comparison to Emily, although, the hyper-vigilance was almost dead on.

His presence, the feeling of not being alone, was the simplest to fix and one of the reasons he brought her home, stayed with her, refusing to leave, now it had evolved into something else.

He was in this just as deep as she was.

Before he had to go back home on Sunday he would help her to find some things that would work for her. The couple of tricks that Marcus taught him seemed to help and maybe that would be enough. She could keep with the hot sweet tea and extra blankets on the bed, and keeping her lights on. Maybe phone calls to him would work, unless…

Emily's eyes flickered open and she noticed the look of intense concentration on Aaron's face. "What are you thinking about?"

His eyes focused back in on her face, from where they had drifted to. "We have to go back to work in a couple of hours."

"Yes, I would have assumed that we would." She said it as if it was that simple but he didn't think she had thought about the next step.

"And on Sunday I have to go back to my apartment."

Emily's eyes widened momentarily. That was something that she hadn't considered. She felt her chest constrict at the thought of being alone. Closing her eyes, she took several deep centering breaths, spelling her name backwards in her head, like Aaron had showed her. She felt the moment of panic pass and smiled at the accomplishment.

She sat up and pulled the sheet around her chest, balancing on her knees and considered the idea. He had become such a balm to her in the last two days. Whenever she felt out of control he was there, sometimes it was just a hand on her skin, sometimes just the word that she was okay and safe. Whatever it was, it was enough.

He raised himself up on his elbow and prepared for the fight he knew was coming. "I want you to come home with me."

She scooted back several inches, shaking her head rapidly. "Aaron no, I can't do that."

"Just listen to me for a moment," Aaron attempted to keep his voice rational and calm but it was difficult, he didn't want to deal with Prentiss' infamous stubbornness over the issue and he expected that he would.

"No." Emily lifted a hand and turned her eyes away from him, telling him effectively that the conversation was over. "This isn't up for negotiation Hotch." When he opened his mouth to object she cut him off, "it's not my pride, fear or stubbornness. It's not me being afraid or unwilling to ask for help that's stopping me."

He tipped his head and considered that this was something she might have already thought through, but seeing how well she seemed to understand him, that he would make such a suggestions, shouldn't have surprised him at all.

"Then what is it?"

"Jack." Hotch just looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "The very real truth is that Ian Doyle is coming for me. It's not a product of my imagination or paranoia. He will come for me. I don't want Jack anywhere near me or you either for that matter, but I absolutely refuse to put him at risk."

Hotch's eyes softened at the admission that it was his son's safety that she was most concerned with. "He misses you. He's noticed that you haven't been around. The rest of the team has been by but not you. He doesn't ask but I can tell that he misses you and wonders why."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that but if anything happened to him…" She took a deep shuttering breath. "So far he's avoided everyone else; the kills are all private and controlled. He won't go after me if I'm with someone else unless he feels he has no other option available, because if there is one thing I can say about Doyle, he's smart and he won't want to get caught. He'll slip in, try and kill me and slip back out again without making a ripple."

"You can't shut yourself out again. It's what caused the whole problem to begin with."

"I know that. But I'm certain he will have someone watching me now, for me to stay with you would be like painting a big sign on your home, putting you both in danger. It would limit his access to me and by extension…"

Emily allowed her voice to trail off and looked him directly in the eye. She needed him to understand and to accept her decision.

Hotch sat up and pulled her into his lap, holding her close as he could to his chest and still carry on a conversation with her. "I need to know that you will be okay if I go home." Aaron picked up her hand and kissed the palm. "I know you can't tell anyone else what's going on but you need to ask for help. I know now and so does Sean. You need to talk to us."

"I will Aaron, I promise." Emily leaned forward and kissed him softly.

"One more thing…" He took a deep breath, hoping she wouldn't get stubborn and outright refuse. "My friend, the one that helped me, I want you to call him, talk with him. He can help you."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, "I can't Hotch, you know that. The information is still classified."

Aaron smiled softly at that and brushed the hair back from her face where it had landed from shaking her head at him. "If Sean was able to get me approved for clearance, he'll be able to get it for him even easier."

"Who is he?" Her eyes narrowed at what he wasn't telling her.

Hotch took a deep breath before letting the bomb drop. "Marcus Micheau, SSAIC – Counterterrorism New York, his office has an established relationship with Interpol."

Emily gasped in understanding, "That's how you seemed to know, in the garage. I could tell that you knew something then."

"Yes."

"How?" Emily gawked at him trying to find the leap that he took.

"Your personnel file is very clever and there are only about a dozen people that would have spotted it and all of them worked in the BAU at that time. I called Marcus to ask if he remembered you, he was assigned SSAIC when it was started."

"Aaron… That was a hell of a risk to take." She frowned at him, expressing her displeasure and he tried not to smile at the severe look on her face. It didn't really fit.

"I know but Marcus has been keeping my secrets for well over a year. He'll keep yours too, if you'll let him."

"I don't know," she hedged in talking to someone even though she knew she needed to.

"Please. As much as I want to help, I know that I can't. I'm too," his voice trailed off, looking for the right word, "broken, in my own way. I'll be talking to him too. Just call him, give it a try."

She looked into his eyes and saw how much this mattered to him. "Okay, okay," she whispered softly while nodding her head.

Turning away from him she looked over at the window and the early morning glow that was trying to peak its way around the heavy drapes.

"Are you sure I can't convince you to come home with me?" he whispered against the side of her head before pressing his lips to her temple.

She shook her head but wouldn't look at him. "I'll come and visit, perhaps stay the night but when he finally comes he needs to come here, where you and Jack are not. Jack only has you. I won't put you at risk if it can be helped."

Aaron was so torn between wanting to protect her and keep her safe but at the same time he understood her reasoning. He knew that if he tried to force the issue she would likely be under even more stress and would pull away from him again.

"Promise me that you'll call if you need it, or come over. Promise me."

"I promise. And honestly, do you think you could keep me away now?" She gave him a sassy smile and turned until she was pressed completely against him, her legs bracketing his hips and her chest pressed to his own.

Aaron smiled at that.

* * *

Emily sat in the passenger seat of her car and picked at her nails on the way into the BAU. It was the first time she had been out of the house since her meltdown in the garage and while she felt a little more centered, she still felt too exposed. She couldn't stop her eyes from cataloguing the vehicles on the road around them. To Aaron's credit he never said anything to her about it, just let her do what was helping her to cope.

As they stopped at a red light, Emily glanced sideways at Hotch and noticed that he was looking at her from the corner of his eye, a smirk on his lips.

She couldn't figure the smirk out till she looked down at her hands. One hand resting in her lap and the other one unconsciously fingering the lock on the door, making sure it was locked.

She rolled her eyes at him and huffed with a smile on her face, "Oh…. Shut up!"

"What?" Aaron did his best to look innocent but he didn't pull it off very well. It didn't help that his lips were quivering. "I never said anything."

"You didn't have to." She glanced at him again before adding, "Jack ass."

He out right laughed at that and she let out a grin. She didn't expect this. For him to be so at ease with the idiosyncrasies of the PTSD, she couldn't prevent some of the nervous habits associated with hyper-vigilance, and found herself becoming more stressed when she tried to, so eventually she gave up and stopped getting upset with herself for the needs that were driving her.

Hotch reached out and gently brushed the skin of her cheek. "You look better today." She had color in her face and with her make up on you couldn't see the dark circles under her eyes at all. They were improved for sure but she still needed more rest.

"I feel better, it's odd. I expected it to take longer to feel more like myself." She had a pensive look on her face and that's when Aaron realized.

"You didn't have the sleep deprivation the last time." That had to have been even harder on her. All the new reactions and behaviors but not understanding where they were coming from.

She shook her head slowly, wondering at how much of her behaviors where from that alone, because for the first time in weeks, she felt like she had some kind of control.

"I had it a little bit. Nowhere near a severe as you did. But most of the problems you have been having were caused by that. The constant trembling, uncontrollable mood swings, trouble controlling your temper, and the paranoia. And remarkably the cure… simply getting some uninterrupted sleep."

And she did feel better. She had spent a solid three hours yesterday, examining her apartment, something she should have done in the first place, instead of running. She fixed the flaws that could allow him access, like the window latch that didn't always catch and the stripping on the door that needed to be replaced.

In that time she realized that Hotch was right, there were few places she would be safer than in her own apartment. The paranoia and caution that naturally came with their job was actually a benefit to her this time. It made it easier to sleep, not to mention what having Aaron next to her did. Something she would have for three more nights till he had to go home on Sunday.

Aaron pulled into her parking stall and turned towards her, pulling her hand into his lap and wrapping his strong warm hands around hers, being careful to keep their intimate touches out of the view of people passing. To anyone outside of the car it would look like two colleagues chatting.

"Are you okay to do this?" His thumb softly traced patterns on the back of her hand and he looked at her with worried eyes.

Her first reaction was to tell him that she was fine, but she had promised him to ask for help and the first step to proving that she would was telling him the truth. "I think so. I'm still a little jumpy and tense, but it's nothing like it was."

"I wish we could have stayed home another day," she smiled at his use of the word, "if just to give you that extra day to relax and sleep."

"I'm gonna be okay. I promise and I'll ask for help if I need it." She reiterated her promise, hoping it would help him to relax. He almost seemed more worried than she did.

"And you're going to call Marcus this afternoon?" Hotch almost looked like he was afraid she would back out. "All you are doing is introducing yourself, nothing more. Sean said he couldn't have the file he gave me there until tomorrow, so all you have to do is introduce yourself to him."

She smiled and figured to hell with anyone that could see; she reached up and cupped his cheek. "I promised you and I always try to keep my promises."

"And if you need help I'm not far away, just up the stairs. If you need to, come and see me, don't stall, don't worry about what I'm doing. If I'm not there, go in, close the door and wait for me. Okay?"

He seriously seemed more apprehensive about this than she did, causing her brow to furrow but she did her best to reassure him, he seemed to need it. "Alright, but I think I'll be okay though."

Emily got a distant look in her eyes and turned to face the front. "I hurt them a lot didn't I? I never intended to but now that I look back on it…"

Hotch tossed propriety out the window and tugged her forward till she was in his arms. "They were worried but I don't think anyone will hold it against you. It's probably the only advantage to the job that we do, is that at one point or another, we have all lost it. Derek, Reid, Dave, JJ, me included. They will likely think it's that."

"I hope so, because in the end I still have to keep quiet, I still can't tell them."

Aaron pressed a kiss to her forehead and understood the difficulty that she faced because it was one that he now shared. "You won't have to, they know how hard it is and if they see that you are getting better, they will assume that you came to me and won't push. We all know what it's like."

Hotch tugged on her hand before getting out of the out of the car. He went around and opened her door, helping her out and accepting her soft shy smile in thanks. Placing a hand on her back he led her to the elevator. Yeah, she was going to be just fine.

* * *

_Technical Issues Author's Note: As stated in this chapter most of Emily's problems were caused by sleep deprivation and it is truly as easy to fix as getting some sleep. _

_Severe sleep deprivation causes a host of neurological symptoms and in extreme cases, the brain starts to return to a baser state, concerned with more primal issues, for lack of a better word. Because of Doyle, the state she achieved was fight or flight, everything was being overwhelmed by fear and it's one of the reason she was so OOC in the last couple of chapters because by that point she wasn't capable of rational thought and was working soley on survival instincts._

_Her trembling and constant shaking would have taken much longer for her to get over because it's actually caused by neurological damage from a lack of (I think) beta wave rem sleep, but you have no idea what kind of a pain it is to try and remember to write it in, so I left it out on purpose. Believe it or not, a person (or at least a mouse) will die if they are prevented from sleeping for a long enough period of time. And yes, some dumb scientist somewhere actually killed a poor mouse to find that out. Schmuck!_

_The acute hyper-vigilance symptoms are the ones outlined in the first chapter when Hotch notices that she having a problem, along with checking the door locks, and her constant need to check her gun when she wakes. They are more concerned with safety and until Doyle is caught and she can relax from that fear they will continue to persist. Or with therapy which was why I introduced Marcus as someone she could talk to._

_Again, thank you, all of you for your reviews; they have quite often touched my heart to know that you have been enjoying the story so much. For an amateur writer it means a lot to know what others are enjoying your work and makes it easier to put it out there week after week, which honestly can be a little terrifying. _

_Read and enjoy after this there is only two more chapters to go and hopefully the next one will be up by late Tuesday or Wednesday. Blessings, BW_

**_TBC in Chapter Eight - A Meeting Of Like Minds_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter Eight**_

_**A Meeting Of Like Minds**_

_Three Weeks Later_

__

_

* * *

_

Hotch came out of his office in a mad rush and made a b-line for Rossi's, finding him not inside, he turned from the doorway and looked down at Emily.

"He had his medical this afternoon." She didn't even bother to look up from the document she was typing. Hotch found it telling about the depth of their relationship that she seemed to know where he was and what he was doing at any given time without even having visual confirmation of his movements.

"Damn." Hotch closed his eyes and tipped his head back, uttering another oath under his breath. Emily finally looked up from the report she was working on and raised her eyebrows at that; Aaron was always _very reserved_ in the office.

"He was the last one that had to go." She scrunched up her forehead in concern at the look on Aaron's face. "He told you this morning in the brief."

Hotch sighed and rubbed his brow, trying to figure out what do to next. "I know, I just forgot." His shoulders slumped and Emily moved over till she was standing just below him on the main floor.

She tilted her head to look up at him standing above her on the upper level. "What's wrong? Is there something I can help you with?"

He placed his hands on his hips and heaved a deep sigh. "I have a meeting with Strauss in a couple of hours and Jessica just called, there was an emergency at my niece's school and she can't make it to pick Jack up; his school is in the opposite direction. I had been hoping that Dave could take the meeting with Strauss for me instead."

Emily knew how important this meeting was and chewed on her lip for a moment. She looked up at him with her head tipped to the side, considering what she could do. She didn't know if this would be stepping out of bounds, there relationship was still fairly tentative.

"I could go and pick him up for you."

Hotch's eyes widened, like it never would have even occurred to him to ask her to do so. But it would solve all of his problems. "Would you?" There was a faint hope in his voice.

"Sure." Emily shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal. "I'll take him back to your place and wait with him till you can get there."

"You, Agent Prentiss, are a blessing." A smile lit up his face at her suggestion.

No sooner had he said that then her face fell and Emily got that distant look in her eyes that she did sometimes. Hotch squatted down so he was closer to her while still being on the walk. "Prentiss stop, I know that look."

Emily looked up at him again and her cheeks flushed with embarrassment that he had caught her out so fast.

Aaron's voice dropped in consideration of where they were standing. "As of three hours ago, he was still in Qatar."

"I know. But it doesn't stop the worry." Emily's head dipped and her voice became soft.

Hotch would have given anything to have been able to reach out and cup her face in his hands. Remove that sad look from her eyes, but he couldn't. While they were more demonstrative in public because of the change in their personal relationship, it wasn't anything that couldn't be brushed off as a gesture between friends, and touching her face would have been too much, especially in a room full of profilers, who by extension, were terrible gossips.

Neither one of them wanted to open the can of worms that would be telling people about the change in their relationship. Because sooner or later someone was going to ask what precipitated it and it was something they couldn't explain and they didn't want to have to outright lie to their family.

Luckily for the both of them it had turned out exactly how Hotch had predicted. As soon as Emily started to look better they had all dropped it entirely. Aaron had received knowing looks from the team but for the most part they had all remained silent on the subject, even Dave.

"Look at me." Aaron's voice was so soft and Emily tipped her head back up to look at the man above her. "Do you believe, for even a moment, that if I thought you were a danger to Jack, I would agree to this?"

Emily just shook her head; she knew he wouldn't, not for a moment. And honestly, if she really believed it, she wouldn't either.

"Then trust me, you don't need to worry."

"Hotch, how long have you known me?" Aaron tipped his head to the side, knowing she didn't expect him to answer. "That's like telling me not to breathe."

Hotch smiled at her and stood back up, making his way to the stairs. He met her by her desk and traded his car keys for hers, so that she would be able to get into the apartment, knowing he could get his spare from the neighbor.

Grasping her hand gently in his for a moment his voice dropped to a slightly more intimate level, "How about I pick up dinner on the way home as a thank you."

"It's not necessary Hotch." Emily smiled softly at the suggestion, but it really wasn't, she just thought that this was the kind of thing she was supposed to do in her role as his 'significant other', not that they had even begun to define what there was between them. It just was, what it was, they didn't feel the need to explain or define it.

"Not necessary perhaps, but I'd like you to stay anyway." His gaze was warm and intimate as his thumb dragged over the back of her hand, telling her without words what he was asking.

It would be a first for them. They always stayed together at her place, never at his. There had been many late night phone calls but she was still slightly reluctant to stay there. The fear that had been dogging her for so long had started to dissipate weeks ago and continued to do so with each passing day so perhaps it was finally time.

Emily dipped her head and smiled slightly, giving a short nod.

How could she say no to that look?

"Thank you again, for this."

"You're welcome. I'll see you at home." The look in Hotch's eyes at her comment had her absolutely enraptured. He was fixated on her for several moments before someone called his name and broke the spell. He gave her a short nod and then headed back up top to his office and the Agent that was waiting for him there.

She knew how important this meeting was, they were replacing two Agents who had been promoted to senior positions and were being transferred to BAU 3 – Children's Cases. She knew that Hotch needed to be the one in the meeting discussing who would replace the 'pool agents' as they were often called. Agents that were shared by all of the BAU teams stationed in Quantico.

Emily quickly closed down her reports and grabbed her things, taking the traded vehicle keys and rushed out to make sure she made it to Jack's school in time to pick him up after his class let out.

It should be an interesting experience. There hadn't been many times she and and Jack had spent time together without the presence of his father. Mostly in the conference room while Hotch grabbed this, or that from his office. She would have to think of something for the two of them to do, cause knowing what these meetings were like; he was going to be awhile.

* * *

Hotch walked into the apartment, using his spare key on the lock and reactivated the alarm. He leaned wearily against the wall, grateful to be home. The meeting had taken much longer than he planned and he felt horribly that Emily ended up having to entertain his son all evening.

He heard soft whispering coming from the kitchen and childish giggles coming from both child and woman alike and a smile lit his face. Laughter of any kind was something that had been missing from his and Jack's life for far too long. It was the thought that had gone through his mind when Emily had said that she would meet him at 'home'. It was how much he wanted, in that moment, for it to be a reality instead of a turn of phrase.

Balancing the pizza box in his arm Aaron dropped Emily's car keys in the bowl by the door and placed his briefcase on the floor. He let out a relieved breath at the sight of Emily's go bag resting by the front table. He had honestly thought she would find a reason to back out, as she had every other time he had suggested that she stay the night.

Smiling he followed the sounds to the other room. Walking in to his kitchen, he didn't know how to react at first.

Aaron leaned against the doorframe and took in the scene before him. The room was a total disaster. There was a fine mist of flour covering the counter, parts of the floor and on both Emily and his son. Dishes were stacked in the sink, and pans on the stove.

His brow furrowed. He didn't even own cookie sheets. Then he realized that her and Jack must have gone to get them so that they could do this. Hotch felt a lump in his throat. She was wonderful.

Jack was standing on a chair, poking what appeared to be over baked cookies with his finger. Emily was leaning over him and they were carrying on a whispered conversation.

"Doesn't look like the picture Em'ly."

"Hmmm, you're right. Little too dark maybe?" She tipped her head to look at the boy.

Jack looked very serious as he nodded his head. "Think they'll taste okay?"

"I should think so. We followed the directions exactly." Emily reached out a finger and poked one of the cookies too and a small grimace crossed her face.

Hotch quietly slipped his phone out of his pocket and quickly clicked a picture of the two of them hunched over the counter, looking at each other, whispering softly and smiling. It was a moment he wanted to capture and never let go of, keeping this happy moment with him for as long as he could. When he first confronted Prentiss back in Tulsa, when he realized that their relationship was about to change, it never occurred to him how seemlessly she would fit into his life. Into the life they were building together.

Finally he couldn't resist any longer and cleared his throat, which in all honesty sounded more like a laugh. "What's going on here?"

"Daddy!" Jack launched himself off of the stool and rushed over to grab is father's hand.

Hotch was dragged over to the island counter and Emily let out an embarrassed squeak. She had thought he would be gone longer and she could have the mess cleaned up before he got home from his meeting.

"We baked cookies!" Jack bounced up and down a couple of times before hopping back up on his chair.

"I see that." Hotch was caught between paying attention to Jack and trying not to openly stare at Emily. She looked so adorable covered in flour and trying not to look horrified over the state of his kitchen. Letting out a soft chuckle he brushed a finger down her slightly red cheek, letting her know he was more than happy with the state of things.

"Here. Try one." Jack handed him a cookie and Hotch took it with some trepidation. But he couldn't refuse, Jack looked so proud of himself.

Hotch bit into the cookie and it took all of his self-control not to spit it back out. It was dry, hard as a rock and… salty. Doing his level best to keep his face straight, Hotch ate the cookie and pasted a smile on his face. If there was one thing this experience had taught him, it was that he needed to keep Emily out of the kitchen.

"It's good Buddy." The poor boy looked so eager at that moment that he couldn't stop the lie from leaving his lips.

Emily couldn't stand it anymore. "Hey Jack, you're still all covered in flour. Why don't you and your Dad get you cleaned up before we have dinner?"

She let out a light laugh and grabbed Hotch by the shoulders, turning him to face the doorway. With that Jack dragged his father out of the kitchen and off to the next thing. Hotch wished he had the attention span of a child at that moment cause all he could think about was the bit of flour that was covering Emily's right breast.

Emily turned and surveyed the kitchen, fanning the heat from her face. This time it wasn't caused by the state of Aaron's poor kitchen but at the look that he shot her before leaving the room. She was so getting lucky tonight.

* * *

Several hours later found Emily and Jessica standing in the kitchen looking out at the living room and watching father and son talking while finishing off the last slices of pizza. The atmosphere was relaxed and happy and Emily felt a little more of the tension she had been living with float away. Doyle had been quiet for the last couple of weeks and she thought, or hoped, that perhaps their fears were unfounded. That maybe, just maybe, he was cleaning house and wouldn't care about the agents that were involved.

Hotch and Emily had been enjoying dinner with Jack when the doorbell rang and were surprised when Jessica turned up on the other side. As it turned out Melody, Jessica's daughter, had cut the palm of her hand in the playground and needed a couple of stitches, not to mention a tetanus shot.

After the young girl was tucked in and asleep Jessica found her way over to Aaron's apartment, wanting to apologize again and let him know that everything was okay, knowing he would likely worry about his niece.

The scene she found was not one that she had expected. Aaron and Jack were entertaining a woman that she remembered as being a part of his team. The three were sitting around the living room table on the floor eating pizza.

The sight warmed her heart slightly. As much as she loved her sister, she was a little too proper to have allowed something so relaxed in her home.

When Aaron introduced him to the Agent everything became a little clearer. Both who she was and the changes she had noticed in Aaron lately.

Under the guise of getting a drink, Jessica had followed the woman to the kitchen when she left the living room with the dishes. She watched the way that Emily looked at the two of them and felt bad for intruding. She knew her presence was making the other woman uncomfortable.

Deciding to break the ice, as it were, Jessica turned sideways to look at the woman next to her. "He's quiet fond of you."

Emily's head shot up at the comment. "Sorry?"

Jessica lifted a hand and pointed to the living room. "Jack."

Emily mouthed an 'o' and turned back to stacking the plates in the dishwasher. She felt distinctly uncomfortable and didn't know what to say to the woman next to her.

"It's okay. I'm not judging, just making an observation. He speaks of you often; he's quite enamored with you."

"He's a remarkable child; he's easy to be around." Emily cleared her throat, trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. "His mother was remarkable too."

"Thank you." Jessica turned back to the counter and played with her glass, waiting for the other woman to continue.

Emily gave up on what she was doing and gave the conversation, and woman, the attention deserved. "I didn't know Haley very well. I only met her only a couple of times. They separated shortly after I joined the team."

"I know. She mentioned you a couple of times. She said you were someone that she said she could have called a friend, given time."

Emily gave a soft smile at the thought of the blond woman and the night they all spent out together just after she joined the team. She had been feeling like an intruder in a place that she didn't really fit and Haley had gone out of her way to make her feel welcome and wanted.

"I thought so too." She got a far away and slightly sad look on her face.

Jessica was now the one that looked uncomfortable. She wasn't at all sure if this was appropriate or if it was even her place to say anything to the other woman. "She would have approved of this." Her voice was tentative when she finally spoke.

Emily gave her a quizzical look. "Approved of what? Jack?"

"No… Aaron." Emily blushed slightly; she didn't think they had been that obvious.

Jessica got a pensive look on her face, trying to decide how to say what needed to be said, because she wanted to see this relationship work. The change she had noticed in Aaron over the last couple of weeks was remarkable. He was more relaxed, less intense, and generally happier than she had seen him in several years.

"She still loved him in the end and if he could have found someone who made him happy, who understood who he was and what he needed, she would have been happy for him. At the end of their marriage, it might not have seemed that way but she was my sister, she told me things that she didn't tell anyone else."

Jessica turned back to look at Aaron, her brother and dearest friend, "She knew that no matter how hard she tried, she wouldn't understand the man he had become and that they couldn't make each other happy anymore."

Emily turned and leaned against the counter next to the other woman. They both looked over at Jack and Hotch chattering together at the low table, both thinking the same thing, that for the first time in a long time, he looked happy, they both did. And Jessica knew that it had a lot to do with Emily.

"I just wanted you to know. And I think Haley was right."

"About?"

"This is a good thing and you are someone I could call a friend."

Jessica left and moved back over to Hotch and Jack; leaving Emily standing in the kitchen pondering her words.

* * *

An hour later, Jack had gone to bed and Jessica had left for home. Hotch finally got the nerve to ask about the conversation he had seen them having in the kitchen. Emily had been quiet since then. He knew it was nothing bad; she just seemed to be lost in though.

Curled up on the couch together, Emily confided in him what Jessica had said. She smiled softly at having made a friend out of someone that was so important to him and Jack. More than his sister-in-law, she could tell, Jessica was his friend.

"She always seemed to understand me better than Haley."

Emily looked surprised at that. "I wouldn't have expected that? She seems much younger than you. Isn't she?"

"Yes, she's the same age as my brother, 15 years younger than both Haley and I." Emily turned and swung her legs over Aaron's lap, turning to face him. It was so rare that he shared anything of himself; she wasn't going to miss a moment.

"I think it was because she was on the outside of the relationship. She never really had any idea about who I should be, didn't really know me before the FBI. I was just her big brother Aaron. I was already in the FBI and the BAU by the time she was old enough to form opinions, so she didn't really remember the man that I was, the one Haley married."

Hotch got a distant look on his face as he thought back over the years. "She seemed to know how important the BAU was to me. That, in the end, it was as much a part of who I was as it was what I did. I know she tried to talk to Haley about it and honestly if not for her we probably would have been divorce long before we finally did."

Emily rested her chin on her knees, closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Aaron's fingers running through her hair. "She sounds like she's been a good friend."

"She has been and I don't think I could have done this without her. I couldn't have stayed with the BAU if she hadn't offered to help me with Jack and I'm not sure who I would have been then." He did know that if it hadn't been for that decision to stay, he wouldn't be where he was now, with Emily. And for that alone he owed Jessica a debt that he would never be able to repay. Their relationship, while still undefined meant more to him than he could say and he could say without a doubt that it was for life.

"I'm glad she's been there for you and I'm glad that she seems to not have a problem with us. I was a little afraid of her reaction to me, although, it did surprise me that she seemed to know."

Hotch smirked at that. Out of the two sisters, she was the more reserved, probably why Hotch got along with her as well as he did. Jessica liked to sit back and watch the people around her, didn't like to be the center of attention. As a result she often saw more than other people.

"Jessica doesn't miss much, especially when it comes to her family."

Aaron pulled Emily forward and pressed his lips to hers. Feeling her smiling against his own he felt light in a way that had been missing for so long, for years really, if he was honest with himself. Pulling back from her lips he pulled her head to his chest and asked a question that had been nagging at the back of his brain since the first time he saw it.

"Emily, the picture on your fridge, what is it for?"

She looked up into his eyes and felt a blush stain her cheeks. She didn't know how to explain it to him and it almost felt more personal than all they had shared so far. And Aaron was so stable that she didn't think he would understand, not really.

"It's a wish, a daydream." Her voice was so soft he almost missed the answer.

"What was it a wish for?" Hotch lay back on the couch and pulled her up onto his chest. This was by far one of his favorite positions to be in with her, and the physical intimacy seemed to help her open up.

"I love my apartment but it's just that. It's not really a home, a place where I can see myself living out my days. Home is something that I've never really had and as I get older I find myself craving it more and more. A couple of months ago I saw the house on the market, as I was leaving the academy. I called the listing agent and asked for the information."

"But in Quantico? I would have expected something in Washington."

"It's close to the office and honestly, I have never really wanted to be anywhere else."

Hotch's eyes clearly showed his surprise at that. "I know what everyone thinks, that I'm a ladder climber, looking at the upper levels of the FBI, but I can't stand the politics. I don't have the patience for it and what we do is so important."

He nodded his head in understanding; it was often the way that he felt. At one time he had looked at moving up but as the years passed he found that he was more than content with the role that he played. He didn't know how long that would last but as long as it did he would stay there.

"So how come you never did anything about it?"

"When I found out about Doyle it just seemed so stupid. Just a daydream that I was never meant to have." Emily laid her head back on his chest and tried not to think about it. It wasn't something she could consider as long as he was still out there, until she knew he was gone for good.

Aaron played with the tips of her hair and felt so unbelievably sad for her. If there was anyone he knew who deserved a little bit of happiness, it was this woman. She gave, over and over, to the team, to the victims, to the job and never asked for anything in return, except for a little house in Quantico, Virginia.

He gave her a little push so that she lifted off of him; once he was standing he held his hand out to her. Emily reach out and laced her fingers with his, allowing him to lead her to his bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Well, perhaps I can give you something else to daydream about." With that he gave her a sly smile and closed the door.

* * *

_**COVER YOUR EYES IF YOU'RE AVOIDING "TRAGEDIES" TILL THE END!**_

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_Author's Note: I know this chapter might feel disjointed from the rest of the story and that nothing pivotal happened, but it's a lot of little tie-ins to the later sequels, just small snippets to explain things that happened later, like how the friendship between Jessica and Emily began. How the little house in Quantico came into being and Emily's reasons for wanting it._

_In cannon I don't think they ever establish Jessica's age and this was the one I wanted for this story. Sean Hotchner's age was established in "The Tribe" and it had him as 25 at the time, significantly younger than Hotch._

_I also had someone PM me t ask if I was going to include the cookie baking scene in this story. What I had written was so long and drawn out that I ended up leaving out everything but the end result, which to me was the most important part, but I liked it and couldn't make myself take it out too. It gave a lighter side to the relationship between the two of them, which with all of the angst in this story was kind of the point of this chapter, to show that there was a basis for their relationship that had nothing to do with Doyle and the threat that she faced. That this would have come about anyway, given enough time._

_There is only one more chapter to go in this story and I should have it up by Saturday. Once again, thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment._

_Bless, BW_

_**TBC in Chapter Nine – Death Lurking In Dark Corners**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter Nine**_

_**Death Lurking In Dark Corners**_

_Three Months Later_

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* * *

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_We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear._

_Martin Luther King, Jr._

_Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear._

_Mark Twain_

* * *

The rush of adrenaline running through her blood was making her light headed as she slammed the car door and raced for the front of the building that Hotch lived in. The panic was slowly closing in on her and she needed to get inside where it was safe before she lost control completely.

_The panic was coming. _

_She could feel it._

She bypassed the elevator, running up the stairs two at a time, needing to expend some of the energy that was coursing through her body as a result of adrenaline induced panic. She stopped at the top of the stairs and tried to control her breathing. She wished it was from the flight up the stairs but instead it was from the absolute terror she had managed to gain almost complete control of over the last couple of months.

_Just breathe, breath in, breath out, in and out._

She still had moments where she had trouble but since letting Aaron in and accepting help from both him and Marcus she was in much better shape than she had been. So now, this feeling coming back to her, just as strong as before was almost crippling in its intensity. She tried to slow her mind. Focus on spelling her name backwards. She got as far as the 't' before she lost in again.

_Not fair, not fair, this can't be happening, not now._

Straightening, she forced her feet to take each step to the door, instead of running away, which is what she instinctively wanted to do.

_She was going to be sick. _

_In, out, in, out._

But she promised him she wouldn't run anymore, wouldn't hide and shut herself out, and that promise had her standing in front of Aaron Hotchner's door at 11:00 at night.

_Stop! Stop shaking! You're stronger than this!_

Emily raised her hand and then stopped inches away from the dark wood. She dithered from foot to foot for a moment before forcing herself to knock. Regardless of how panicked she was feeling, her knock on his door was soft. She didn't want to wake Jack, who would be sleeping, even if his father was not. She jumped violently at the soft sound of a door closing down the hall.

_Don't look, don't look, there's nothing there._

Hotch opened the door and was understandably shocked by the sight in front of him. Emily had left just a couple of hours before and he hadn't expected her back. Taking in the look on her face, it was not good news that brought her to his door this night.

_He's here, you're safe, and you can breathe again…_

_But it's not coming! In, out, in, out._

Her face was ghostly pale and she was shaking so hard that he was surprised that her teeth weren't rattling in her head.

"Emily, what's wrong? Tell me." Aaron grabbed her hand and pulled her inside.

"Mario Tescotta is dead." Her voice was harsh with repressed tears and the sound of it seemed to scare her further, causing her to gasp for breath. Hotch pulled her into his arms, hoping to help her stave off the panic attack that was coming.

When he realized that it wasn't helping he pushed her down into the chair by the door. Kneeling on the floor in front of her he grasped the back of her head and shoved her face down between her knees. "Breathe Emily, in through your nose, out through your mouth, slowly. That's it, deep breaths, you can do this."

_Why does he sound so far away?_

He scrambled trying to remember the name, among the dozens that filled the file that he had read and came up empty. But obviously this was significant, he was important, or it wouldn't have driven her out of her apartment in the middle of the night and wouldn't cause this level of panic.

_I can do this, Hotch doesn't lie, and I can breathe._

He petted the hair on the back of her head with both hands as he waited for her to get control over her breathing. Slowly, the gasping stopped but she was still in no shape to talk clearly. She was feeling light headed and dizzy, her lips tingling from the rush of oxygen in her blood.

_Where am I? _

_Oh Aaron's hands, that's nice._

He stood slowly and reached for her hands, when she finally looked up at him, he gave a gentle tug, "Come on, we don't want Jack to see you like this."

_No, no, he can't see this. _

_Too young, wouldn't understand. _

There was no resistance left in her as Hotch pulled her though the apartment and into his room. He settled her on the bed and then went to make sure that Jack hadn't woken when she arrived. The child seemed to have a built in Emily radar and always knew when she came home, day or night.

_It's too dark, need more light._

Softly closing the door on his son's room, he leaned forward with a palm pressed on either side of the wood. He took several deep breaths of his own, trying to control his overactive imagination. Aaron pushed away from the wall and headed to his room, when he got back she was sitting on the end of the bed, shaking and rocking back and forth.

_It's too quiet, too quiet._

The sound of his foot falls was making her jump but it couldn't be helped. Aaron moved forward until he was in front of her and crouched low to the floor so that he could see her clearly. She really was a mess.

_Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. _

_I can do this, have to breathe._

"I don't remember his name," he said softly, "tell me what's causing this."

The sound of his voice seemed to calm her down some and she was clear as she spoke, even though her voice still trembled with the effort of talking. "He was one of the other undercover agents. I only met him twice, once it was all over."

"Then what is causing this level of stress in you." He moved up to the bed and sat next to her, rubbing her back with long hard strokes, trying to calm her down further.

"It's started," she looked at him for a brief moment and then her eyes started flitting around the room, "Mario is the first Agent he's gone after, and the rest have all been civilians, his own people or people who worked for him in some fashion." She closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth repeatedly before she could continue. "They found him three days ago. As far as what Doyle can do, he got off lucky. Single gunshot wound to the forehead."

Aaron's brow furrowed in thought, she was taking this really badly. They had been talking about this for weeks, they both knew that if Interpol couldn't catch him it was only a matter of time, but this level of panic was way out of proportion to the information she was giving him.

Something else had to be driving this.

"I don't understand Emily. We knew he was coming. It was only a matter of time and I haven't seen you this stressed since this started." Hotch was growing more and more concerned by the moment.

Emily started to gasp for air again and jumped up from the bed. She started to pace and Hotch did his best to get in front of her but her movements were too chaotic. "He was undercover in Brussels. Ian couldn't find him and in his attempts to do so, killed his mother, wife, both of his kids, before finding and killing his old partner and his new handler and he did it in less than a day."

Her voice was just this side of hysterical when she finished talking. She collapsed onto the floor; one hand pressing into her chest, the pain was unbelievable.

Hotch was at a loss. He didn't know how to handle this, what to tell her that would help. Clearly she was terrified, had reason to be, and there was nothing he could do that would make it better. They were both completely hamstrung by being FBI and not affiliated with Interpol, unable to affect events that were occurring a half a world away. There was nothing he could say that would make her feel more secure.

Only once in his life had he felt this level of powerlessness.

As her trembling increased, so did the level of her breathing. If she wasn't careful she was going to hyperventilate and pass out. Hotch got down on the floor so that she was forced to focus on him and gently shook her arms. Seeing the tears streaming down her face he felt his own fill and did the best he could to control them. She needed his strength right now.

He sat back on his heels and pulled her into his arms. Emily straddled his lap and wrapped her arms tight around Aaron's neck. She tried to control the trembling and knew she was upsetting him but the things that were going through her head, she couldn't shut out, couldn't control. The false sense of safety they had created together had come crashing down and with it, every single memory of every single horror that Ian Doyle could inflict on her, on them, on Aaron, returned full force.

She pulled back and cupped his cheeks in her palms. "I love you. I'm so very in love with you Aaron. I know we don't talk about us, what we are and I know it's soon for this, but I do and all I keep thinking is what if he comes after you. I love this life, the one we have, the one we're building and we're going to lose it, and he's going to take you from me."

"There's no guarantee that he will, that he'll come after me."

She shook harder with his denial and the tears that had slowed started again. "You don't understand. You don't know what he's capable of Aaron. He will destroy everything in his path to what he wants." She tried to pull back but Hotch pulled her tighter to him causing her to collapse back into him, banding her arms tight around his neck.

"What level of stability there was in him is completely gone, we can't predict what he's going to do, who he'll go after and he has money, connections, he's not like our un-subs. He doesn't care if we kill him so long as he takes me out with him." She started to gasp for breath again and he gently pushed her off of his lap, forcefully pulling her arms from around his neck.

Hotch pulled away enough that he could see her clearly, obviously his touch wasn't enough to help her this time. "Emily, calm down, this isn't helping anything." His voice was hard and commanding, like he used at work when he was reprimanding someone but nothing was getting through, she was too far gone.

He held onto her wrists and she jerked on her hands, trying to pull them away and Hotch found that he would be at all surprised if she had bruises in the morning.

"I need to get out of here, but what if he comes and he can't find me… So I need to stay, but you, the team, you won't stay out of the way. I know you won't. And he'll come after all of you… And I don't know what to do. I can't think and I'm scared and I don't know what to do!" She was crying uncontrollably by that point and Aaron knew that nothing was getting through to her.

By the end she was in a full blown panic attack and Hotch did the only thing he could think of that would help. It was something that worked once before, the last time she had fallen this far. It was just after he first found out about Doyle and that 72 hours they stayed locked up in her apartment, alone. She had woken from a nightmare and in a full-fledged attack. Much later he found out that Doyle had killed him this time, in that little room, instead of the unknown man or Derek as she had dreamed before.

Aaron wrapped his arms firmly about her and pulled her up from the floor. Stumbling slightly he led her to the bathroom and closed the door. Making sure both the overhead light and vanity mirror lights were on, making the room bright as possible.

He sat her down on the toilet seat and turned on the shower as hot as he could stand it. As quickly and efficiently as he could manage it he stripped off their clothes before gently pushing her into the shower. Emily let out a harsh gasp at the heat and her skin instantly started to turn pink. The water wasn't unbearable but it was far too warm to be comfortable to a normal person under normal circumstances.

Stepping in behind her, he sat down on the floor, pulling her down between his legs. Vaguely he noted that the floor was going to be soaking wet but he left the curtain open, needing her to have as much light as possible.

He didn't know how long they sat there like that, the water pounding down on their heads as he rocked them slowly back and forth but eventually her tears tapered off and the shaking stopped. I was a combination of things that worked for her in the past and they only needed to use once before, the heat, the bright light, the white noise, and the repetitive rocking motion, blocking out everything else and helping her to find her center again. Helping her to calm back down and think rationally.

Once the water started to cool, Hotch stood from the floor of the tub and quickly dried himself off. Pulling her up, he held out a towel and wrapped it around her smaller frame. Slowly, carefully dried her off; caressing every inch of skin he could reach, trying once again to sooth her with this touch.

Leading her back into the bedroom he helped her into one of his t-shirts and pulling on his boxers, he crawled into bed. Together they snuggled up in the center of the bed, his chest braced against her back and the blankets pulled up tight around them. He wrapped his own body as tightly around her as he could manage.

"I'm sorry. I've been doing so well, but…" Her voice was so soft that he had to strain to hear the words.

"Ssshh. You have nothing to explain. I remember what it feels like."

Emily turned over and pressed her face into his chest, breathing deeply his scent and felt the last of the panic ebbing away.

"I can't keep going on like this. This isn't me. Not the woman I've become. This is the scared 25 year old girl that first came back home."

Aaron pulled her tighter to his chest, a single tear tracking off the side of his nose. She was so lost, and so afraid and he didn't know how to help her anymore. He gave a brief thought to contacting Marcus, see if he could come to them, and see if he could help but it would have to wait till morning, they couldn't do anything about it right now.

He tipped his head down and whispered softly into the shell of her ear, "I love you Emily and together we'll figure out a way around this. We'll beat him. I don't know how yet, but we will find a way."

* * *

Hotch woke several hours later and blinked in confusion when he didn't feel Emily next to him. Errantly his hand slid across the bed and felt the cold sheets, indicating she had been out of bed for some time. Early morning light was peaking from between the curtains and he was scared that she had fled with the darkness outside. Sitting up he pushed the blankets off and swung his legs out of bed as fear gripped his chest. She wouldn't have left would she?

His head swiveled around, examining the floor till he found them. Her clothes still lay in pile on the floor where he dropped them.

Standing, he stretched, reassured that she was still in his apartment somewhere. He pulled on a t-shirt and made his way out of his room, checking the common bathroom just outside his door. Slowly he opened the door to Jack's room. More than once after a nightmare he had found her in there watching the young boy as he slept, on the same note, she had found him the same way more than once in the last three months.

That room checked off he headed for the kitchen where he could see a soft light coming from. It was there where he finally found her curled up on one of the chairs, covered in nothing but one of his dress shirts, knee pulled up to her chest and deep in thought.

Emily didn't seem to notice his presence and he took a moment to look at her in the dim lighting. She looked better than she had when she arrived. She was calm and apparently very, very focused on something.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" Hotch kept his voice low so as not to startle her but found himself startled instead, she was completely calm when she lifted her head to look at him.

This woman sitting in front of him was a polar opposite to who she was last night, who she had been for the last several months. There was a fire in her eyes that had been missing since this whole thing began and she gazed at him with a hard look on her face. If he had to say, she looked… determined. That was the only word he could think of to describe it.

He moved forward and took the chair next to her waiting for her to acknowledge his presence in some way other than this cold, calculating look she had now.

"I'm tired to feeling like a victim Hotch." Her voice was calm, controlled.

Aaron raised his brow at that statement. "Emily, in the entire time I have known you, you have been many things, compassionate, loyal, brave, strong, and confounding on some days but you have never been a victim of anything, and you haven't in this." His voice was sure and comforting but she knew better, she had become a victim of Ian Doyle and it was going to end now.

"But I have Hotch. What gets me the most is that I'm just sitting here waiting for him to come and get me. I have always been in control, always strong and I don't like the way that this is making me feel." Her voice was just as hard as her eyes and there was a steely resolve to her tone that left him both excited and apprehensive at the same time.

"I need to get ahead of him. I need to have a plan of some kind. I can't keep going on like this, the constant waiting. It's destroying me and I won't let him win, he did the last time but I was young then, I didn't know any better, I do now."

Hotch cleared his throat, suddenly feeling nervous and wiped his sweating palms on his legs. "Okay. So we need a plan." He took in the calculating look in her eye and felt his apprehension grow. He just knew he wasn't going to like this. "By the look on your face, you already have one."

She got that distant look in her eyes again as she spoke, "I think I know what I want to do. I know how to keep you and the team safe, and get ahead of him at the same time, how to stop letting him be the one in control."

Emily looked over at Aaron and allowed him to see her resolve. She had made her decision; she just hoped that she could get him to accept it.

"You're not going to like it." She stated, echoing his earlier thought.

Hotch reached out and grasped her hand in his, keeping his promise to her. She wouldn't be alone in this. They were in this together. And at this moment he would give her anything she wanted, if only to keep that fire in her eyes.

"Tell me."

* * *

_The test of success is not what you do when you are on top._

_Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom._

_George S. Patton_

_Now if you haven't read "Secrets & Tragedies" because you were waiting till this one was finished, go now. It's done!_

_**The End**_

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_Final Author's Note: Well, there you have it. That is the end of the story. For anyone that wants to hit me because of the ending, you are intended to go from this to the directly to "Secrets & Tragedies" and you aren't supposed to know what the plan is when you read that one. Sorry but I couldn't figure out a better way to do it and keep the emotional quality of the next piece intact._

_First I want to say a special thank you to everyone who read and reviewed. It was really tough to get back out there and start posting my work but your enjoyment of this has made it more than worth the while. _

_**Extra Special Thanks to Yana and Elizabeth**, who gave me such detailed and awesome reviews. You have both listened to me rant about the story line and let me know when it worked and when it didn't. You have both grown into friends, even from several hundred miles away._

_I hope in the end that you were able to follow from A to B to C and that it all linked up together the way it was supposed to. I did my level best for the story to make sense, to not screw up the cannon characters to much without a reason and hopefully in the end you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. _

_I have literally dozens of other ideas rattling around in my head that I may try to get down. Don't really know yet. This story started January 27, 2011 and has completely taken over my life since then. I need to step back for a day or two and reconnect with the world around me and my family… who I'm sure all think that I have cracked completely. When this started it was 25 pages and about 30,000 words in the end it grew (including the sequels) to 154 pages and 75,000 words. Significantly more than I intended._

_Now I'm gonna stick in a plug for reviews, so please poke the button… It's finished and I would dearly love to hear what you think of the final product, besides that, they make me smile :-)_

_Blessings, Brandwyne_


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